I woke up and checked my phone. It was 1pm already, and I had only one text from Justice.
-'hi baby. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you before I went to school. Please call me later after school and text me during the day so I can see that you're okay :) get some rest, I love you beautiful'
I smiled and texted him back.
'I love you too baby' I locked my phone and laid there silently, I wanted to go down stairs but I didn't want to face my mom, I didn't want her to cry or any hard questions to be asked. I took a deep breath and stood up, I had to face her sometime. I grabbed my phone and walked down the stairs at my own speed. I went to the kitchen, her back facing me. She slowly turned around and her eyes connected with mine. Her eyes were bloodshot and I could tell she was crying. I didn't say anything, I didn't know what to say, if I should start a conversation first.
"Are you hungry?" I nodded lightly, I watched her as she made me fast breakfast and handed it to me. We walked to the living room and she sat down beside me. "Emily, why did you cut yourself?" I looked down and fiddled with my fingers. "I'm just so stressed out about everything. It makes me we get distracted and not think about the cancer or how it's effecting me." "This wasn't your first time?" I shook my head no. "What's stressing you out sweetie?" I felt tears build up in my eyes but I tried to wipe them away before I started crying. "Me, I'm so small now mom and I'm scared. I look horrible now with everything that's changed. I look like I'm dying. And Jus-" I cut myself off, scared of what my mom would say. "What has Justice done?" I took a deep breath and sighed.
"He hasn't done anything, my thoughts are just messing up my mind and I'm so scared to loose him. He's helping me so much with everything mom, I need him and you taking him away will just make things worse" I said the truth, I did need him, I feel like I would die without him.
"Please stop doing this to yourself, you don't deserve it" she whispered. "Why is Justice not here anymore?" "I told him to leave" I said. "I just needed time alone" she reached out and grabbed my hand. "Call him and tell him to come over, I don't want you to be alone anymore until I know I can trust you" I sighed, "he has school tomorrow" I said, "have him bring clothes" "but I don't want him to know". "Well he has to understand why I don't want you alone anymore" I sighed and nodded, "fine" I got up, my food in my hand and walked to my room. I grabbed my phone and texted him, my side aching in pain.
'Can you come over after school? My mom needs you to'
-'yeah I can, but what do you mean?'
'I'll explain when you get here'
I didn't want him to know, he would be so upset and disappointed. I didn't even know if he would want to be with me still, he was already stressed and worried about me and this could just be his breaking point. I made myself finish all the food and I turned on Netflix and waited anxiously for him to come over. I heard a knock on the front door and heard it open. Two feet walked up the stairs and my mother opened the door.
"I'll let you explain" she closed the door behind Justice and he looked at me confused. "What do you need to explain?" He sat beside me and I put my plate to the side. "Um, something happened after you left" I said quietly, I hated this so much. "Are you okay?" I nodded, even though I was in pain, "I um-" I stuttered. "I hurt myself" I didn't look at him, I was too scared. "What?" "I hurt myself" I repeated, "how?" I sat up and lifted my shirt and pushed the side down of my sweatpants and showed him the pad covering my cuts.
"You cut yourself?" I nodded, I felt so bad and annoyed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me onto his lap. "Please don't hurt yourself anymore" he began to cry, "I'm sorry" I whispered, "why did you do it? Was it because of me?" I shook my head. "No you didn't do anything wrong. The first time it was about the Abby girl and this time it was because of me" he rested his head on my shoulder and held me tightly. "The first time was because of me" he said, I didn't say anything in return. "My mom wants you to stay with me as much as you can, she doesn't trust me to be alone" he nodded, "of course I'll stay with you" I smiled. "I'm sorry I did this" I apologized, "it's okay baby, as long as you promise to never do it again"
Honestly don't know if I'm gonna continue writing and publishing books. Everything died so much and it's not fun like it used to be. This is probably gonna be my last book....
