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I went home and showered, then went down stairs to eat dinner.
"I ordered Chinese" Joseph said. I nodded, we haven't talked much since he walked in on Justice and I.
"Are you okay?" He looked over to me, I nodded slowly. "I'm fine" he looked lost. "I'm sorry for what happened" I shook my head. "Why are you sorry?" I sat on the couch, then he sat down also. "I feel bad about how I reacted" I looked down as I fiddled with my fingertips. I stayed silent.
"Are you dating him?" I shook my head no. He looked down also, not knowing what to do. "Did he hurt you?" I looked up. "No, I'm fine" "you're not fine, I can tell" I stood up. "Really I'm fine, just text me when the foods here" I walked back upstairs, hiding in my room like I have for the past week. I laid down, and opened my laptop, going on to Netflix.
I heard a knock on my balcony door, making me confused. It had to be him, but why is he here? I don't want to see him.
I got up slowly, and opened the shades. He stood there, a stupid smile on his lips. I closed the shades. I'm not gonna let him in. Why would he expect me to? He then knocked again. "Let me in" I heard his from behind the glass. "Why?" My hand was on the door handle. He didn't answer. I unlocked the door, and slowly opened it, but not enough to where he could come in. "What do you want?" He locked eyes with me and tried to open the door.
"You're not coming in my room, I don't even understand why you can think its okay to be on my fucking balcony". "Please" I shook my head. "What do you want?" I repeated again. "I got bored and the girl I was making out with today is busy so I came over here"
"Excuse me?" He looked confused. "What?" I rolled my eyes. "Hold on, so you're telling me you wanted to fuck the bitch you were sucking faces with in front of my locker, and she was busy, so you came over to my house?" He shook his head no. "I didn't mean it like that" I looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "I wanted to talk, I got bored and I started thinking about what happened between us, so I wanted to talk to you about it"
"First of all, there isn't an 'us' and second, I don't want to talk to you" I started to close the door but he put his foot in between the door and the wall. "Please?" I shook my head no. "We have to talk" "no we don't" he looked down. "Fine, you don't have to talk, but can you listen? You don't have to let me in if you don't trust me" "fine".
"Okay, so I know I over reacted. Its just, I didn't want you to hate and ignore me again. I understand that you feel like none of this should have happened, but, I don't know. I just don't want to never talk again. I kissed that girl today because I wanted to make you jealous, and I acted the way I did at the park because I miss you. I miss the feeling of your lips on mine, and I miss holding you. This whole thing is probably wrong, but I don't care, I want you. And I wanna protect you, and I wanna put my arm around you, and watch Netflix with you, then end up making out." I laughed, and he smiled.
"I miss you" he finished. It was hard to process all of his words at once, it was different, he's never opened up before and told me these things.
"I'll go" he said and turned around, ready to climb over the balcony. "Wait" he turned around. "I miss you too" a smiled grew on his big plump lips, the same lips I craved to have on mine.
"Come in" I opened the door and he walked in. As soon as I closed the door my body was pushed up against the wall, making me laugh. He slowly inched our lips closer, as I put my arms over his shoulders. We both didn't say a word, as our lips moved in sync. The kiss was slow, and passionate, not like when we usually kissed, this one, was different.
His tongue moved with mine, while I embraced the feeling of our lips together, the feeling I've missed ever since he left. I moaned into the kiss, he put his fingertips against my jawline, while him touching my skin made me want to never pull away. He picked me up, never breaking the kiss, and walked me to the bed, carefully laying me down, then crawling on top of me. "Let me show you" he whispered, taking a breath, then continued kissing me.
"I want you" he grunted. "So bad" he moved his lips down my neck, then stopped at my chest. "Want?" I asked. "I need you, I wanna make you feel good" I wanted to wait, I wanted to save it for a boy I would fall in love with, I wanted to wait, for the perfect day. I didn't want it to happen like this. I didn't wait to lose it to a boy who doesn't love me, and who I don't love, I didn't wait to lose it in my bedroom while my brother was downstairs, I wanted flowers, I wanted to see that they cared about me, then I would let them have it, but not Justice. I can't.
"I told you I wanted to wait" he stopped kissing my skin, I felt his hot breath his against the spot he just kissed. "What if I planned it the way you wanted it? I may not be the boy that's the love of your life, but I would set it up the way you dream about? Flowers scattered around the bed, candles around the room. I would take care of you"
As perfect as that sounded, it just wasn't right.
"Then what? Go back and act like it never happened?" I asked. He stayed silent. "This is why I want to wait, I don't want to act like it never happened afterwards. I want it to be special" he pulled away, completely off of me and sitting beside me, while I laid on my back. "I should get going" he said bluntly, standing up and walking to the door. "See this is why I wanted to say away from you" I said and stood up, walking to him.
"We can't keep doing this, its not healthy" he nodded, his face showing no emotion, then he climbed over and jumped to the ground, and began walking home. I closed the door. I had to promise I would never let him back into the room. No matter how much I craved to have his lips on my skin, and no matter how much I craved to have my fingers in his hair, I couldn't anymore. I just need to focus on school, not boys, not him.
I really like this chapter :)
