PaRappa's Hat Ties

Not Next to Nothing

The next day Pat insisted that PaRappa go out and made some friends. This action was heavily influenced by Lord HaHa, who wanted some quality time with Pat.
“Just go out and have fun! Find yourself! You can even introduce me to one of your new friends when you're done. Oh! And one more thing,” Pat reached into his pocket. “Here’s a cell phone! My number is written on the back just in case you get lost or something bad happens. If something REALLY bad happens then call 121. That’s our country's emergency line. I gotta go run some errands so I'll see you later Putt. Ok?”
“Ok,” PaRappa said kind of disappointed.
“Bye Putt I love you!” Pat said as he went behind behind a door.
“Love you too!” PaRappa said looking through the crack in the door as it got smaller. PaRappa missed Pat already. He whined like a puppy.
    Sunny came strolling down the hall past him, and then she turned around facing him.
“Hello,” She said vaguely. She didn’t expect to find PaRappa here.
“Hi,” PaRappa said, “I like your… petals,” He really did.
“Oh thanks. I like your hair,” Sunny said.
silence.
“What do you like to do?” Sunny asked avoiding eye contact.
“Rap,” PaRappa said.
“Oh,” why.
“What do you like to do?” PaRappa asked.
“I like gardening, and hanging out with my friends,” Sunny said.
“...I’m sorry, i’m not all that good at talking,” PaRappa admitted.
“That’s ok,” Sunny said.
“You know this might sound weird but I was a dog dog not too long ago. I’m still not used to talking to people, not that I have any language issues or anything,” PaRappa explained.
“Oh. I've never heard of that before. How’d that happen?!” Sunny asked.
“I don’t know!” PaRappa aid shrugging immensely.
“Maybe it was something magical. Lord HaHa has magic in his lair. It’s for emergencies,” Sunny said.
“What about 121?” PaRappa asked. 
“That’s also for emergencies,” Sunny explained, “I have to go work in the garden now,”
“Why?” PaRappa said tilting his head for a second .
“It’s my job,” Sunny said.
“What’s that?” PaRappa asked following Sunny downstairs, “Like, I know that people have jobs, but what exactly are they?”
“They’re a service that people do for other people. Some people cook, some people drive, some people invent stuff for other people to use,” Sunny explained.
“Why?” PaRappa asked.
“So they can get money and buy food and stuff,” Sunny explained.
“Oh,” PaRappa said.
“You otta be figuring out what you would wanna do as a job for your Next to Nothing presentation,”
“Next to Nothing presentation?” PaRapa asked. Sunny stopped dead in her tracks.
“YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF THE NEXT TO NOTHING PRESENTATION?!!!” Sunny boomed.
“No,” PaRappa said embarrassed of his ignorance.
“Ok, ok, so you live here right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you have to earn your right to live here by giving a speech about something that you plan to do to make HaHa better. I only live here in the summers for my job so I don’t have to do it. It’s not like you have to actually do any of the things you promised after your speech. Just be promising,”
“Oh. Thank you so much for telling me. Why is it called Next to Nothing?” Parappa started to rapidly think of something to do for his NtN.
“Because if you fail then you're next to nothing to HaHa Land and you get kicked out or something. I think it’s to scare people into doing well,” Sunny said. They were outside now, “Next to Nothing happens once a year. You actually just missed the last one. It happened 2 weeks ago. This one kid did a really bad speech about growing grass. I haven’t seen him since,”
“What about him family?” PaRappa asked as he sat down on an outdoor bench.
“Oh, I see them all the time. They’re super rich, and annoying. I asked them where their son went and they shrugged at me. SHRUGGED!” Sunny explained while weeding around some red flowers.
“Nobody knows where he went?” PaRappa asked worriedly.
“Nope,” Sunny said plucking another grass sprout from the ground.
“Lemonade?” a robot asked from behind them. He was shaped like a human and had blue glass eyes. He wore a tux too.
“Sure,” Sunny said sticking her arm out behind her. The robot placed the drink in her hand, “Thanks,”
“And some for you?” the robot asked PaRappa
“Oh sure!” PaRappa held his hand out and the robot gave him a drink. The robot then went over to another gardener to give them lemonade, “Is that his job? To give us lemonade?”
“Well not in the traditional sense. He isn’t really a person. I know that’s confusing because some people are made of metal, but he’s just a robot. He doesn’t get paid because he doesn’t need to be,” Sunny explained.
“Oh,” PaRappa was trying to hold on to this concept the best he could. Like terminator?
“So,” Sunny turned to look at him, “How was it like being a dog dog?”
“Well um, it was really confusing, and without opinion. I just did stuff to make Pat happy, get food, and have fun. I don’t really remember specific events though,”
“What’s your name,” Sunny asked hoping that he wouldn’t say PaRappa.
“Putt,” PaRappa said.
“I’m Funny, Sunny Funny,” Sunny said. She put her hand out for a handshake. PaRappa grabbed the hand with vigor and shook gently.
“The name’s Bond, James Bond,” PaRappa said. Sunny cracked up.
“Hahaha! Good reference. You know, you look like a friend I used to know,” Sunny said.
“Who do I look like?” PaRappa asked pointing to himself. He was feeling better after his humorous reference.
“You look like PaRappa the rapper. heard of him?” Sunny said.
“Only from people like you saying I look like him,” PaRappa the rapper said.
“Ha! Wait, come here,” Sunny rushed back into HaHa manor as PaRappa, giddy, followed.
“Heh,” Pat chuckled looking out the window. His boy had made a new friend. Patrick closed the blinds.
“Pat this isn’t your decision to make. The NtN will always go on as planned, as it always has,” Lord HaHa said a little disappointed in his son. They always had arguments about this.
“And then what huh? More missing people??? You know i’m starting to think that you really don’t know where all those kids go,” Pat said stiff and sharp. His tail whipped back and forth with vigor.
“They go back to where they came from,” Lord HaHa said standing strong and tall in the dim room. Like Pat, his eyes were yellow, and practically glowed in the dark.
“And who delivers them??” Pat hissed.
“That’s enough Patrick,” Lord HaHa said stoic.
“And WHO DELIVERS THEM,” Pat went right up to his father and poked him with a claw on his pointer finger.
“THAT’S ENOUGH,” Lord HaHa with one swipe of his paw pushed Pat over into a lamp breaking it. The windows were blocked out and it was black in there. 4 yellow eyes looked pinprick at each other.
“So this is how it’s gonna be huh?” Pat said.
“What are you gonna do? Chop me up?!” Lord HaHa roared.
“I’m sure you wouldn’t care if those kids were getting chopped up and eaten just as long as you were making a profit,” Pat said harshly.
“You know I would never allow for anything like that to ever happen!”
“But yet even if your return program worked YOU’D STILL BE SENDING KIDS TO A LIFE OF LONESOME DEPRESSION WITH NO PARENTS!! I’ve checked the rate at which people under 18 go missing in this country. It’s TWENTY PERCENT! And those kids don’t even live here!!!” Pat screamed.
“That’s not under my control,” Lord HaHa said.
“Than what is under control around here?” Patrick asked.
“...” Lord HaHa said nothing.
“That’s what I thought,” Pat walked out of the room and slammed the door with his tail. He needed somewhere to cool down. He very much loved his father, but he couldn’t believe what he let go under his nose.
Pat decided to go into his room and scratch his old scratching post. Lord HaHa had gotten it for him so that he would stop tearing up everything when he was a kid. Pat later figured out that the scratching post would distress him.