I'm only writing this so my boy goes to bed. I don't have anything important to say, but it's not like any of these other chapters have been important. I don't know how it is people keep reading them, but I think it's interesting the amount of readers per type of chapter. People liked my synesthetic breakdown twice as much as the other ones. I don't know how Wattpad suggests books, but regardless of the system I'm boggled as to why it suggests mine.
I think I understand some of the appeal to the thing he was talking to me about earlier. I understand wanting to feel needed and important and looked up to, and feeling good about yourself when you protect and help your counterpart. His side of things is different, but I still understand the appeal of wanting to be cared for and acting childish for the ease of it. But he's very adamant he doesn't like acting childish, but I think that's just because his shame puts him in denial.
Anyways, tonight I managed to steal him from a shower and he came with me to my dad's so I could pick up clothes. For some reason, when he was in my house my brain was blaring the alarms and went on high alert. We got McDonald's and the cashier was so friendly I literally cried. She even gave me fries for free, "because no one was paying attention."
Carlie called me beautiful again today. I don't know what kind of inside joke she and Simone have about it, but I sounded pissier than normal in my response. I felt kind of bad, but honestly, whatfuckingever it's not like she cares about me as a person anyways. Just a body.
We're doing independent projects in art and I'm doing mine as a multi-layered spray painted art piece portraying Malcolm X. He definitely had some problematic views throughout his life but I appreciate his mistakes in sincerity. To make mistakes is fine as long as you were sincere and you learn from them. I think we all too often use MLK as a silencing tactic for POC who are angry and speak angrily about inequality. But we need to stop policing their emotions and help them in a revolution. We all could learn something from Malcolm X in his relentless aggression for a cause. That's not to say he was solely aggressive, he was at his base a peaceful man. But, as he said, "by any means necessary."
This chapter has been kind of all over the place, but I keep dragging it out because when R goes to bed I'm going to miss him. I guess we aren't talking right now anyways though, because I'm typing this. It's late, I need to go to bed too.
Done. Published not proof read. Goodnight.
