Every night when I get home I feel the creative urge to write a poem or a letter or something to/for Ryland. I want to show him and express in a unusual way how much he means to me. But I always try and it never works out because I'm so exhausted from all the work I do all day. I feel guilty all the time we can't talk as much I want to. He's everything to me and I love hearing about him, so I try to be as good as I can be while we do get the chance to talk.
Maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion because I'm so stressed out about Hell Week and everything feels all-encompassing. I hope he knows how much I prefer him over everything I'm doing, and if I had the chance, I'd be in his room in a heartbeat.
People always say when you're stressed out go to your mental happy place, and he's my happy place. I've been getting through this week by thinking about how everything I'm doing is contributing towards making a life with him as successful as it can be. I hope he understands that I'm not blowing him off or forgetting about him; I'm thinking about him all the time.
I hope if he feels unfulfilled or dissatisfied that he tells me so I can try to fix it. I just really want to make things as good as possible for him and us while we are apart. That way, our time together can be all the more meaningful.
I wonder what letters he's opened recently and if he still writes the responses. I love the responses. I wish I could have them all taped onto my ceiling. I'm so upset because my letters and art from home aren't here, but I do hfkasjflJKJK;FJDKYJ I HAVE HIS DRawing he made me and put in the tube of sticks for things he loves about me. I'm going to put that on my ceiling tomorrow.
It's past 2 am right now. Thankfully, I don't have my chemistry lecture tomorrow morning. I was late three days in a row this week because I've been up so late studying that it's incredibly difficult for me to wake up. The studying has been taking all of my time. I spent 5 hours today studying and 2 more on my homework. I've practically been living in the library.
I realized today that I hadn't left campus all week until today when I had to go downtown for my class in the Loop. But that's literally the only time I've taken the L or any mode of transportation. So I guess I've left a maximum total of twice in the span of 6 days because I did walk two to three blocks to get a steak chimichanga the other night.
That was a tangent. Yes, it's past two am right now. I'm planning on meeting Spencer tomorrow at 10:45 am to study for an hour before we go to get lunch. Normally we'd push off the lunch but there's a Supplemental Instruction session from 1-2 tomorrow, then we're going to the science building to study another hour before the biology exam starts. It's 60 multiple choice questions of increasing difficulty and 3 short answer questions, which means we get less than a minute per problem.
I need to go to bed right now. I really wish Ryland were here with me; He always makes me feel better, safe, and helps me fall asleep an incredible amount. I adore him. He makes me feel special and cared about.
I hope he messages me when he wakes up and throughout the day even if I can't respond, his texts always make my day better.
