I wore my binder today for the first time in weeks, maybe months. It felt great. I needed it because the bra under my sweater made be feel really really bad. It's almost kind of soothing now, beyond the emotional aspects. The constant squeezing pressure is calming.
My bluetooth speaker won't connect to my phone. I fucking hate my phone. It doesn't work at all.
I'm worried about my lip piercing getting infected. I made the mistake of eating spicy, hot, and acidic foods literally the day following getting it because I missed the part in the pamphlet where it specifically said to not do that. I also talked and laughed a lot today, which has it irritated. I just washed it, I don't know, I'm just worried.
My eyes hurt a lot from looking at screens. I was up really close to the TV today while making my Sim character guy. It took fucking ages because I had to set up all of my genetics, personality, body, appearance, and on top of that - 5 different outfit presets. It took hours.
My mood has been kind of weird today. I know it's technically Christmas but for some reason my brain won't allow for the conceptualization of date.
I wish Ryland would talk to me. I kind of feel like he doesn't want to right now, which sucks. I know I message him a lot, I just hope it isn't too much.
I'm confusingly irritated right now. I don't know why.
I want food and a drink but I just cleaned my lip piercing sooooooo.
Earlier today I went into a weird mood where I was exhausted and very honest but irritated all the same, despite intense feelings of happiness. I stopped
I'm sad.
I'm sad.
I'm sad.
I'm sad.
I don't want to talk about it just want to say I'm sad.
I feel angry.
Once on Pinterest I saw this really emo My Chemical Romance edit where in all caps over either Gerard's or Frank's face it said something like this.
It's okay to be sad.
It's okay to be upset.
It's okay to be angry.
It's okay to be numb.
It went a little differently, but it made me cry. I had felt so much pressure to feel fine and to forgive and to be happy for someone, that I hadn't fully healthily embraced my negative emotions.
I like remembering it in times like now.
Crying in the car in the parking lot outside the apartment complex.
Crying in my bed now.
Fleur and Wade.
Whatever, it's over with.
