My last chapter prompted me to go back through and read all my drafts, and this is a poem I found in one of them that I actually kind of like, so I thought I'd post it. It's from a long time ago, back in November. I'm interested to see how my poetry progresses throughout college. It didn't have any spacing and was just line after line after line so I'm creating the stanzas now, (if you can really call them that) but I don't think I'm doing it justice.
I started without you and I'm ending without you
It's all gone full circle
September crying in the shower, feeling alone
November crying in the shower, feeling abandoned
Trying not to vomit for the fourth time
Fifth
Heartbreak is more than emotion
It's feeling my blood coagulate inside me
It's my body heaving with tears lost to the needles pelting me
You hurt for another
Slow dance with your easily placed emotions
And your lack of effort to every degree
I am never not nauseous
Thanks to you
I suppress the bile rising in my throat every time I think of you
I saw how you revoked your gift
Music, sure
But moreso, you
I saw you in my dreams last night
Waking up rarely hurts so bad
{...}
Cry for your lost dark eyes that never existed and never will
Mourn for whatever you fucking want
Write your letters that will never be sent
I don't care
I don't care how you feel
I don't care about you
I don't care
I don't
We never got to dance
