Words about you, shared with the class,
after class, after class.
But, all words are about you.
They're what you are. They what you are not.
You--the whole of experience.
You--the word in my breath.
And sometimes I stop and think a rose by any other name must still smell as sweet.
But if I am Jeff and you are Jeff, maybe our love can be Jeffrey.
A name categorizes an experience. It's just an association. Then what is Kai? What is KaiNani? What is Joseph and what is Jeff?
I've been thinking about what makes a name a name. It's not an identity like some people say, it's an association--an association to an experience. What is "Kai" to me? I don't know entirely. I think maybe it's an Every. Maybe it is the sum. The sum of my human experience. It's the name that surmises all words. It's wishing I didn't leave my phone in the locker room the day you sent me the text to meet you behind the high jump. It's going on scavenger hunts. It's learning how to be better. It's being in love. It's being independent. It's panicking and being angry and joyous and excited. It's making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It's feeling good about my long legs. It's reading Homestuck and having to wear backpack straps around your neck. It's cutting all your hair off for your grandma, sitting in a tree, and every single time I see fireworks. It's driving across town to get Panda Express and it's not being able to get off the couch at a Halloween party.
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There is a you to being confused
and a me to being angry.
What's inherent always seems a mystery
except when I am me and you are myself.
And she is there, somewhere
Doing the things that she does
A thousand miles away right next to me--
And then I can't sleep.
A hand around the back side of my neck
is never ever there, and I cry inside
thinking about what I lack without.
To see him, to kill him, to shout.
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And now, adieu and goodbye. Signing off. Au revoir. Keep fighting the good fight. Onwards. Go get 'em tiger.
