It's gotten so hard remembering how to be human. I stay awake, wishing for anything but, until 4 am every day and wake up at it's pm latter. I don't eat, and when I do it's shit. I don't have toenails anymore, or the skin on my lip. I've got blood and raining skin from the hours I pick at my head. Every muscle in my arm aches with the weight of elephants and I can't tell what's bone and what isn't, anymore.
I don't know how to get back into myself. I spend hours on Pinterest looking at pictures of people being people, hoping maybe if I emulate them well enough I'll be somebody I can stand to be in. I need another haircut, chemicals on my head, cooler clothes, and maybe a sip of self esteem. It's so hard when it feels like my skin is rotting from the inside out, and my mom won't believe me when I tell her what's wrong, and she fails to set up another appointment again. When I don't even have a ride to my first. When all I want to do is exist but it seems like second place is just to stop existing. I hate being me and doing nothing all day just wishing for things to not be how they are.
It's all agains and anymores, I just want a place to be that isn't in my head.
