Sometimes I question my gender because I feel guilty about assuming male privilege. I know that trans people are still greatly discriminated against, don't get me wrong. But I've experienced male privilege briefly before when passing and it made me so uncomfortable. Sometimes I try to convince myself to become super girly and just see if I can be okay with identifying mostly as a girl, because even though I think I'm a guy and I want to transition I still identify as genderfluid since I'm not always 100% man. I know I should be genuine to myself but I'm afraid who I am now is ingenuine.
I wish I could just see what it was like to live as a guy and experience the changes with my body that T brings but be able to go back if I wanted to.
It's about 4 am now and I'm super tired so maybe I'll elaborate when I wake up but I don't know. I just feel lost.
