I don't really think about Ava that much anymore. I don't like her as a person or a concept. I feel like whether she lives or dies I don't care, so long as it's away from me. But at the same time she occupied a pretty large portion of my life for quite a while, and there's a hole left without her. I don't want her to fill the hole, I don't want anything to do with her. Yet, the hole is there nonetheless.
I keep thinking maybe if I build myself out well enough that I'll fill all the holes I need to without having to cram anybody else into them. But it's hard to be me when I do nothing all day and have nothing to focus on but what I'm not.
