I'm supposed to be sleeping right now but I feel something ominous with me and it's making me too scared to sleep. I don't what it is that keeps following me but I really don't like it; It feels bad.
I took a quiz that was "Make an emo playlist and we'll tell you how old you really are" and I got that I was 32 years old because I had so many classics from the origination of emo music. I also took this quiz that was assessing whether or not I was a "starseed"? I didn't know what a starseed was so I looked it up and it's basically like alien 4th dimension stuff, I don't really know. One of the questions was "do you like tapioca?" and I don't really know how that gauges my presence in the 4th dimension but okay Sharon, you do you.
I really wish I could say Mallory was off my mind, but I still catch myself thinking about her. Not fondly. But thinking about her nonetheless. Her ghosting me was definitely the end of our friendship, no popping back in. It just feels fucked up.
I finally blocked Kaden on everything but his playlist is still named Kaden and I want to change it but I don't know what to change it to. I also want to change my Mallory playlist to something other than what it's titled right now. Alright, I just did it. It's officially "Ghosted". The songs don't fit the theme of the title, but now the songs won't make me positively nostalgic because I'll have the constant reminder of what she did.
I'm considering changing Kaden's playlist to "#Blocked" but I think that might be a touch too rude. I would delete both the playlists but honestly my music taste is too good to trash such masterpieces.
I also changed the name of the playlist Mallory made for me to "In Bad Taste", because it is.
Here's a list of all my Spotify playlists:
- Acoustic (Acoustic indie/pop-punk/alternative songs)
- Asleep (Asleep by The Smiths (2008 Remastered Version) 3 times)
- Bright-Eyed and Alive (An app made me a playlist based off of a quiz I took)
- Divergent (Veronica Roth's playlist she put in the extras of her book)
- Emo Forever (Spotify created name-brand emo songs)
- Essence of Adolescence (Lin Manuel Miranda's playlist)
- Evelyn Evelyn -- Evelyn Evelyn (The entirety of Evelyn Evelyn's self-titled album)
- Femme Ska Punk (Self explanatory, consistent of The Interrupters, The Regrettes, and dotted with SWMRS)
- Fuck You (51 minutes of "Fuck You", "Fuck Off", "Go Fuck Yourself", and "FU" songs created after Mallory first said she was dropping me)
- Ghosted (A playlist I made for Mallory to show her what she meant to me)
- In Bad Taste (A playlist Mallory made for me consistent of a weird amount of love songs)
- Indie/Post-Punk (This is a fucking kickin playlist, title is self explanatory)
- Kaden (ugh.)
- KaiNani (songs Kai showed me when we spent the night when she came back to visit)
- Melodic (Airy and light melodic songs. Indie pop)
- NWJ (It's for one person and they know what it means)
- Prom 2017 (All the songs I remembered from Prom 2017)
- Rhythmic (Indie with harder beats than Melodic)
- Ry (Our songs)
- Ryland (I made it for him when we first got closer to show him some great songs)
- Songs I Sing While I'm Driving (it's... it's songs I sing while I'm driving)
- Syd (I made it for Syd. It's a lot of songs on the outer circle of my music interest that I should probably listen to more)
- Your Top Songs 2017 (Spotify made a playlist of my most played songs)
I told Ryland he'd probably dislike this chapter but the further into it I get the more I think he'll actually really like it. I think I was planning on writing it more about Mallory but whatever. I have higher priorities and interests. I might feel bad about writing that if I thought she still read this, but she never even made an account so whatever.
There's another party I'm invited to on Friday but I don't know how many people I know will be there. It won't be so bad if Syd is there, but I might ask Gabe to go too. I don't like trap or rap music unless it's old rap, so I don't really like the music they play. I stole the aux at tonight's party for a minute though and put on Trouble by nevershoutnever and half the people started screaming the lyrics and half the people were confused as hell. I wish I could make a playlist for the next party, but I really don't think they'd like it. I'd definitely put Two Beers In by Free Throw on it half-jokingly, which is exactly why I shouldn't be allowed to make the playlist.
WAIT. What if I played Indie/Post-Punk? Whatever. This is all a dream anyways, I'm definitely not allowed to have that aux cord.
I really wish I would get the email telling me which residence hall I'm going to be placed in with my roommate in the fall. It seems like everybody else has gotten it except us based on the posts in the university facebook group. OH, in the group some girl posted about a FIDLAR concert happening September 8th in Chicago and oh my GOD I want to go so badly. Maybe if we went together we could become friends.
I had a point to that, but I don't remember what it was. I want to get to 1000 words before I end and I'm almost there. I might just do the lyrics to the song I'm currently listening to.
"Jesus Christ that's a pretty face. The kind you'd find on the kind of person that could save."
Okay jesus this song is going way too fast for me to type.
"And IIIIII wil dieeeee all alone. And when IIIIII arriiiivveee I won't know anyone. Well Jesus Christ I'm alone again so what-"
(1000 words)
