I feel existentially exhausted. Not just in the way where I'm tired, but I am. Exhausted in the way that my cells feel like they're clumping together in some inferior way that makes it hard to breathe and walk and exist. Gravity feels like an omnipresent weight, like I'm stuck treading at the surface of a pool of molasses, knowing that soon it will be too much and I'll submerge for good. Looking at things is hard in the way it reminds me so much is happening in its chaotic irrelevance, and hearing bogs me down in the in the inescapability of everything all at once.
I'm starting to feel less like I'm decomposing because for some reason Kaden being alive across from me feels good and okay. But it's fleeting, I can tell. It will be back soon, and that's a crushing inevitability.
