Mallory just told me she doesn't think we should talk anymore and I'm honestly really upset. I argued with her, and I hate how it came across like I was trying to fight so she would talk to me again. If she doesn't want to fucking talk to me then fine, so be it. But I was arguing to at least try to get a valid reason as to why she's just not talking to me anymore.
Literally just yesterday she was talking to me about how she was so glad we were talking, how her boyfriend was being unreasonable, and asked if she could invite me to her fucking wedding. And now all of a sudden she thinks it's best if we don't talk anymore? If it came straight from her and her heart I would be so much more okay with it, but I don't think I could feel more strongly that it's not from her heart, but from her mom and boyfriend.
Also, her boyfriend is a MASSIVE dick and I know she loves him and is super serious about him or whatever but God I hope they break up because I know she can do so much better. He's really controlling and manipulative and just in general a dick. He supports Trump as a "joke", and guilts her into feeling bad for talking to me by telling her he is crying about it and will never get over it. I don't even want to date her anymore. I stopped wanting that a long time ago, I just want her to find someone better than him.
She said we should stop talking because it brings up bad memories that will "push her over the edge," but I asked her if she thinks I am actually doing that and she said "I don't know." So it REALLY sounds like these thoughts are being given to her and she's just absorbing them.
I feel bad because now I know what it was like for her when I randomly stopped talking to her. But at least every time I did I had a good reason to do so. And it was from myself, nobody else.
None of my friends like her and they all tried to get me to stop talking to her but I didn't because I know myself and I chose to choose for myself.
I'm angry at her for deciding to talk to me again, telling me she still loved me, making me a playlist, telling me she liked my voice, making me feel like we were friends again after I decided to fully forgive and trust her again and then just stopping like that.
I'm frustrated, insulted, disappointed, hurt, angry.
Also, who does she think she is to tell me, "never let anyone call you Lexi unless they love you a whole fuck ton"?? Because SHE loves me a "whole fuck ton"? Anyone who really loves me wouldn't do this to me. They'd give me a good reason. They'd be honest with me. I'd honestly almost rather she had been dating me and I had just been dumped because then I would feel my emotions are more legitimized and I could go find someone new to fuel my emotions into. How am I supposed to do that with someone who was just my friend? Getting a new friend isn't the same thing as getting a new boyfriend/girlfriend.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm glad we weren't dating and that I'm dating Ryland. He's a much better boyfriend than her. I just mean I want something tangible to get over this.
Lexi isn't something special that's just hers. My grandmas call me Lexi. My dad calls me Lexi sometimes. And THEY love me a whole fuck ton. Even the secretary at my therapist's office calls me Lexi. So I guess if she decides to randomly pop back in she can't call me Lexi anymore.
Whatever. This is stupid. I shouldn't be so upset at this. I just thought that we were friends again.
