This part will probably be deleted later. But for now I'm just going to put this shit out there.
TW// self harm
Whenever I try to write a poem my mind gets stuck, and if I keep pressing--trying to write--it is like my limbs are being ripped off by a medieval torture device. I feel like screaming and beating my head and punching the grass. It's absolutely unequivocally fucking infuriating. I am so angry. So angry. All the time. I hate everyone around me. They are terrible. They are terrible. I wish for nothing more than to be fucking away from them. I cannot stand their presence. I cannot stop being angry for long enough to find the words to write a god damn poem. I want to bleed. I want to cut myself to bleed. I won't, because my friends will be pissed at me. But God I am so fucking angry I hope maybe I can bleed some of it out. I want to use this infuriating anger to write a poem but its so internally upheld I can't even bite off the corner to find a release.
I want silence. I want the scream of silence to surround me, so I can finally be at rest. Every single sound in the world makes me angry. I can barely breathe with Alayna in the room. If I could shatter the window and take the glass to stab holes in the wall I would. I could. I won't. I'm wrong. I lied. I was wrong. I can't even express my fucking anger in a way that makes sense.
To think of their breaths that plague the earth haunts me. What a waste. What a waste. They are cosmic waste. When they are dead and gone and everything they have ever done has vanished their ashes will still be rot I am grieved to know exists.
