I saw the weirdest fucking movie in the entire world today. It was called The Square and it had literally 0 plot but it was about this museum curator and all this shit that happens to him. There were full ass scenes that lasted minutes of nothing happening. It ended with his daughter in the backseat staring at nothing for 5 minutes. It was wild. I can see why it won the Cannes film festival though. Some of the shots were truly beautiful and artistic and creative. It also posed some legitimate questions about the hypocrisy of the media and what it takes for societal reaction to inhumanity. It's absolute absurdity said a lot about what it was all about, and I think the frequent reoccurrence of squares in the shots (whether they be legitimate squares or implied squares) showed the mantra of the square art piece in the first place. Moreover, it was a great conversation starter. A full discussion could be had about every scene in the movie. When it ended I just burst out laughing, it was just completely ridiculous. I couldn't stop laughing all the way out of the movie theater. As we exited into the lobby I asked my mom what made her pick this movie, and some old lady replied "We were thinking the same thing!" I feel like everyone experienced something truly crazy together, and the low attendance level made it all the more intimate. I have so many questions left unanswered. The Square makes me want to yell, want to yell about everything. I hate it and I love it. Maybe it's point is to evoke controversial feelings like two of the characters in the movie were hired to do for the museum.
On a separate note, this app is being really fucky. I had to redownload it and now I can only see the top half of the words I'm typing. I'd do it on my computer but that's all the way in the other room. Ugh, anyways, I had a really unexpectedly great night. My mom wasn't bad at all, she was even good. And Caiti was hilarious as always. I love her so much. When we got home we watched Coraline. That movie scared the shit out of me when I was little. I was afraid I had said yes to the buttons on my eyes and my mom was actually secretly my Other Mother. I remember seeing in theaters with my dad when the Palace was still the Palace and deeply associating it with my mom. I miss the purple and green tile floors. It always reminded me of the ice cream you either could or couldn't walk on in Lego Batman during the Mr. Freeze levels. Ovation is nice but it just isn't the same.
Speaking of movies, I'm so excited to go see Loving Vincent. It's the only movie ever made completely out of paintings, and it's about Vincent Van Gogh, done in his style too. Ryland says he's "screaming" at the idea of sitting next to me for that long, but I think he's kind of exaggerating. He makes me feel more and more like I'm worth screaming about though, and that's something. I think I might kind of be writing this entire thing for him right now, because I miss him. It's dumb to miss someone you were just talking to, right? Whatever, I still miss him. God, I wish he had better friends. It pisses me off how poorly they treat him. Lana is cool though. And so is Alice, maybe. I hope one day he gets friends like my friends, so he can feel love from every corner.
I gained another two pounds today, so I'm up to 127. A few months ago I decided I was going to stop eating again, and in a span of four days I dropped 15 pounds. After I hit 120, though, I decided to start eating again. It feels bad I did that, like I betrayed who I am for who I was in the past. Since then I've been in the 120 range instead of the 130's. My weight fluctuates a lot, sometimes up to five pounds in a day. I'm not anorexic anymore. I'm glad I'm not. Sometimes it's just hard to eat. But like I always tell R, you have to eat even if you don't want to.
This is getting kind of lengthy, so I should probably cut it short. I'm not excited for school to start again, but in three weeks it will be Christmas break and Ryland loves Christmas. I need to stop writing so I can mentally avoid January. Later losers.
