Megan makes me laugh. Without trying to be, she's incredibly amusing. Since she transferred out of the class we had together into the one directly after my hour, we see each other in passing as I leave and she enters the room. Today when I saw her my presence must have channeled her inner Forrest Gump, because her posture became more rigid than even traditional catholic beliefs.
I will say, I was a little nervous to see her. God knows we don't need another Haunting of Molly Hartley sequel to exorcise from her the demonic possession of self-adulation. I am so, so, sorry, your ascendant majesty, that your Notes app failed you during our altercation at Dairy Queen. Yet, fret not, I would never dare to request your leniency in my punishment, your vengeful scorn. For, if you spare the rod you spoil the... milk.. of your sour expression? Or maybe milquetoast is more accurate.
I know, I know. All these jokes I'm making are kind of shitty, but, I'm only trying to be fair to the poor proctologist hired to get the stick out of her ass. Who would have thought a colorectal doctor would one day become a much-needed therapist? In all honesty, I don't blame Megan for how she's acting. When you're inundated by the faint whisperings of AirPods, I respect every moment she doesn't succumb to the subliminal message to, "kill, kill, kill."
Now, not to objectify or anything, but Megan is a SNACK. I mean, there's been this Flamin' Hot Cheeto in the hallway of my dorm no one has bothered to pick up for a couple of days and there's a striking resemblance between the two. They have a manufactured spiciness they think adds to their superiority, when really, they're a lone crunchy puff barely noticeable and scorchingly, mind the pun, easy to walk by and forget, no matter how heated they may be at you. Although, I do suppose that's making a lot of assumptions on behalf of the Cheeto. #notsponsored
I might say for how amusing she is, it's unfortunate she gets the last laugh because I took the time to write this. But I think my ability to, I don't know, breathe and look in her direction means that's not the case. Megan, not that you're reading this, I just want you to know that you don't have to skip your youth and go straight to the Parent-Teacher Association. You can be sensitive to things that are actually objectionable, you know? And more than that, you can have your own beliefs and not just be the lowly echo of your skinhead friend.
441 words
1:55 pm
1/14/2019
