Roommates

part 26

"what?" i breathe, the words slowly trying to process through my head. i don't know what to think, if he's joking or not.

"you heard me" he says, i look into his eyes, searching in them, looking for the lie but i cant seem to find it

"stop" i cant take his lies anymore, he'll just go back to lily and i know i'll be here wondering about this night over and over

"stop what?" he furrows his brows and leans a little closer, i take a deep breath and lightly push him but he just pushes my arm away

"stop lying to me" i say, he puts his head down against my shoulder, i look at the ceiling trying my best not to do look at him

i feel him pull himself up to whisper something in my ear, his lips brush against my ear

"kiss me" he whispers

my heart stops for a second, my heart now racing as if it's just dying to burst out and fall on the floor. i pray he doesn't hear how fast my heart is beating for him

i'm frozen right now and cant move, he lifts himself and puts his other leg over and is now on top of me, he leans down and presses our foreheads together, "please" he breaths

i don't know what to do, if i should kiss him or tell him to go to sleep. he's going to leave you again, my subconscious tells me

he is going to leave me like all the other times, it's a pattern and i can't help but fall for it. but being in this moment right now, i can't resist it, his lips already wet and i cant move, i'm dying to kiss him but i'm forcing myself not to

"no" it took a lot in me to say that and i don't know if i regret saying it but i'm proud of myself

"why" he closes his eyes

"because i know you'll just go back to lily and i won't be able to take that" i admit and he opens his eyes, looking at my eyes

he doesn't say anything, he just take another deep breath and opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out

i bite my bottom lip so i cant kiss him because i know something is pulling me towards him, telling me to kiss him but i won't, i'm not doing it

i'm dying to feel his lips, he licks them again driving me insane, "i only go back to her so i don't think of you" he says

"i'm not kissing you" is all i say, he gets off me and walks to his bed

he pulls his blanket down and turns his back towards me, i stare at him and wait for him to turn around and maybe beg me to kiss him again

what is wrong with me, what is actually wrong with me, one second i hate him and the other second i'm dying to kiss him

and i cant help but feel so good around him, i can't help but feel something with him, like a connection. somethings always pulling me towards him

i sit up and make my way towards him, he hears and turns around to look at me, he doesn't say anything and let's me climb over him

he sits up and looks at me, my legs wrapped around his waist and his hands on my sides

our foreheads touch and my breathing gets uneven, "just do it" he says

i look at him and he waits for me, and before i could kiss him his lips were already on mine

his hands roam up and down my back as mine are on his jaw pulling him closer to me, taking up his lips against mine

fuck i didn't know how much i needed to kiss him, he pulls me closer to chest closing the gap that was between us, he pulls down on my bottom lip letting a moan escape his mouth when i tug his hair