Roommates

part 85

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4 days till christmas

it's been 2 days since jacob had his friends come over and decorate

"is the christmas tree up?" my dad ask through our facetime call and i laugh

"of course it is" i show him the tree

"and how about the mistletoe?" he raises his brows and i sigh

"dad i told you, no mistletoe"

"oh cmon kels. when was the last time you had some fun" my dad ask

"hey!" i frown and he smiles, "i can have fun and i don't need a mistletoe for it"

"where's the christmas party going to be at" cynthia takes the phone

"i guess at jacobs house and new years... i'm probably going to a friends house" i press my lips together and they both smile, "how about you guys?"

my dad looks at cynthia and the biggest smile on his face forms making my heart melt. i love seeing my dad happy

he was so sad after my mother passed away. he always told me love isn't real and that everyone will be doomed at the end

but seeing him now with cynthia makes me so happy. i've never seen my dad so happy

"we're staying with cynthias family for christmas and having some friends come over for new years" my dad tells me

"that sounds fun" i miss him already. christmas is his favorite holiday and i wish he was with me

i hate being alone for the holidays, i think this is my first time being alone for the holidays. i mean i do have jacob but it's different when you want your family with you

i hear someone talking in the back and they both turn there attention away from the phone. i sit down on the couch and wait for them to finish talking to the third person in the room, who i'm assuming is cynthias mom

"hey kels. we got to get going, i'll call you again tomorrow alright?" my dad smiles

"okay dad, i love you"

"i love you too" he says before ending the call

the holidays aren't going to be the same without my dad. he was the reason christmas felt like christmas, now it just feels...

knock

i groan on the couch. i don't feel like getting up to get the door right now. plus whoever it is can leave me a voicemail

voicemail?

i peep my head to the front door to see if i can figure out who's shadow that could be. telling from the tall figure and hat, it's joey

do i open the door? gosh that's so awkward

what if he wants to talk? no kelsey. there is nothing to talk about, just like he said. he's done with me

i feel like he hates me, and i hate that he hates me. i've never felt something so real with someone ever until joey

sometimes when i think back to the time when i told him we should take a break, after his wedding day... it makes me feel so... mad

he has every right to hate me and despise me but sometimes i just wish i could hug him and tell him how much i wanna take back what i said

he's like a whole new person too. tattoos? piercings? he doesn't even dress up anymore. all he wears his jeans and a t-shirt

i miss when he would wear flannels, jean jackets, when he would actually look like he took time to get ready

but i mean he looks good either way. i just... i'm kinda scared of him now

"i know your home. your car is parked outside"

yup that's definitely joeys voice. well what if i was in the shower?

i sigh and get up from the couch, making my way to the front door and staring into the mirror and fixing my hair before opening the door

he has a cup of beer in his hand, of course. he looks me up and down and licks his lips, "did i leave my ring here?"

did i forget to mention that he also started wearing rings? i think that's the only thing i like from this new person he's become

"oh yea" i turn around and quickly grab his rings from the kitchen. a gold ring and a silver one

i knew these were his, i saw him taking it off when he went in the garage with one of lily's friends, i don't remember her name

i give it back to him and he shoves it in his pocket. he turns around and walks away

i frown when i see him get back in his car and drive off. no thank you either? wow

that's not the joey i knew. he had manners, always. his biggest pet peeve was people not having manners

i know this can't all be my fault... right? i know i hurt him but why would he do all this to himself? it can't be over me? maybe i'm just overreacting now and wanna blame myself but i cant help to think about it

my mind goes back to lily's birthday. when he had those girl's all over him, not to mention when i walked in the room where he was making out with one of them in lily's bed

it breaks my heart to see him like this. i just can't even look at him the same!

i sit back down on the couch and turn the tv off

i messed up. it's my fault for feeling this way... i want him back and i hate that i do

why did i think if i let him go that maybe... just maybe he would deny what i say. it's like i wanted to start a fight

he didn't even argue with me. he's too good for me

i deserve all this

———-

Trying to update again tonight
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