Roommates

part 46

HII IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS AND IDK WHY ENJOY!

she looked me in the eyes that night and didn't believe me when i was telling her the truth. i never tell anyone my emotions

i begged her to kiss me and she denied it so i went back to my bed

i really think i am falling in love with her.

i hear her walk to my bed, she sits on my lap, she was nervous. i told her to just kiss me because that's all i wanted, her lips against mine.

and she did. she kissed me and fuck it was amazing. this kiss was longer then all the other times we kissed

it was driving me insane. her body against mine with her hand tugging my hair, she knew exactly what she was doing

she was absolutely the most perfect girl ever and her innocence was even more of a turn on

we went to far and i had her naked on my bed, i asked her if she was sure she wanted so this

i wasn't capable of love. i didn't want to love her because i was scared of what i might do

i've fucked with emily and i just don't want kelsey to leave me.

i knew it was her first time doing this was i made sure she was okay the entire time.

it was different with her, it didn't feel like a random hook up. it felt more then that

it didnt feel like sex with her either, it felt like love. she showed me another side too it

maybe my heart isn't playing tricks with me and this is actually how i feel when i'm with her

i woke up the next morning and went out with lily to get coffee. i just needed to make sure that these feelings for kels were real and not fake

we walked to class together and i sat down next to lily. something that amazed me about lily was how she always came back to me no matter what

she was just like my old roommate emily, except i haven't talked to emily in years or even talked to her

emily was my first ever real girlfriend. i only asked her out because i was bored and needed some company but being committed to one person was kinda boring so i went out with different people

when she found out she was upset, she left state as well. emily fell in love with me way to quick, she always came back to me after hurting her, something kels does too

there's a party at the frat house tonight so i went with lily and my other group of friends. i heard kels was coming too and i didn't want her too

i just wanted to be alone from her for a while just to think straight.

my friends pass me a blunt and i lay down on the couch with lily wrapped around me, i blow it in her face and she laughs

her laughs aren't like kels, kelsey's are actually beautiful. i know it's weird to think about it but i love kelsey's laugh. it's contagious

lily started kissing my cheek which irritates me, her lips were chapped and hurt. kelsey's lips were never chap, well at least when i would look at them

kelsey's lips were soft and perfectly shaped, kissing kelsey was something else. it was breath taking, kelsey is fucking breathtaking by just staring at her

i went to the dorm early that night because of how lame the party was. plus lily was being annoying

i heard a knock on the door and when i opened it penny was standing with kels around her, drunk

kelsey looked upset when penny left, i sat kels on her bed and stared at her. she frowned when she saw me

i start asking her questions, how drunk she was, how much she drank, if she was hungry. but she seemed so drained, she didn't answer me and looked at the wall

i remember she told me to undress her that night, i pulled her shirt off her softly because i didn't want to pull her hair

i went down on my knees and slowly pulled down her pants, her eyes stayed on me as i slipped on her pajama pants

her skin was glowing in the dark and her eyes sparkled when they looked in mine

i couldn't look away from them, they were just glued to hers. i stood up after and she asked me something

she asked me why i hurt her so much. i knew she was just drunk talking, she's so strange when she's drunk but also adorable. i told her to just go to her but...

she refused, she wanted an answer. kelsey was always demanding but it didn't bother me

i knew i was hurting her but i didn't know how she felt, i didn't have any empathy for her so it didn't really bother me

hurting her made me feel good but also worse. i have such mixed emotions about her i don't know how i feel

she's always on my mind, i'm always thinking about her. she drives me insane. she could never compare to all these girls i've been with and now i regret having her in my bed that night

she's too pure, she's too perfect, i don't deserve her after everything i've done. she gave me something of hers that i shouldn't have

i wish i was like her, i wish i kept mine for the right person. and that's what she wanted, the right person and i wasn't that

i wasn't the right person for her and i know how upset she is that i did that. but i just can't

i cant fall in love because i'm scared. i cant even keep a girlfriend. i cant even be loyal to one person.

i've just came to the conclusion that i think i am in love with her and it scares me

kelsey has a whole future ahead of her, she's smart and beautiful. she deserves better, she deserves someone who isn't fucked up, someone who knows how to love someone

i don't know how to love, ive never had these feelings before.

i apologized to her, i told her how sorry i am for hurting her and how badly i want to stop thinking about her but i just can't

something keeps drawing me towards her

she was yelling at me, her voice cracked and she was on the verge of tears, my heart was racing.

i don't want to see her cry, that'll hurt me. she was mad at me and was telling me how sick and tired she is of me, i know she's drunk but i let her continue

"you aren't even worth it, but i find myself always coming back for you and i don't know why, so tell me joey. what do you want from me?"

those words replayed in my head over and over. the pain in her voice and the look in her eyes, man i do love her

and that's what i told her, that i love her

she was surprised and so was i. it was my first time telling someone i love them and meaning it

and all i could remember was kissing her that night. having her beautiful body laid on the bed and me on top of her kissing her