Roommates

part 76

today

it's 9am and i didn't sleep at all. all i could think about was joey and what we had

i decided to stay on the couch all night because i had no energy in me to move and i still don't.

i turn on the tv to keep myself distracted. i should watch the notebook or the last song and cry all fucking day

my anger rises just by thinking about him being with her. i'm so hurt, so hurt that i want to ruin the wedding. i just want to crash my car in the stupid building

tears start rolling down my face and i start kicking the blanket. why her, why did he still pick her at the end

after everything he said to me he's still going to marry her. i just don't understand why, why put us through all that

and the thing that hurts even more is that everything i do reminds me of him. my whole family loves him, he gets along well with everyone, he's charming, and i want him to be mine

i love him so much i just want to spend the rest of my life with him. we can move to new york together get an apartment there and have kids

he gets me so well, he knows exactly how to make me happy. buys me food, holds open the door for me, is patient with me, holds a damn umbrella for me when its raining, makes me feel better when i'm sad

but how is he going to make me feel better when i'm sad over him. he can't. he's going to marry her now and i can't do anything about it

i take one more bite from my bread and stare into the tv until i hear a knock at the door

if it's my dad he has the keys, but i hear another knock and i sigh

knock knock

"kels, it's me jacob"

i wipe my tear and clear my throat, "it's behind the flower pot"

"what flower-" he whispers then i hear the door open

he walks straight to me and furrows his brows when he looks at me. he looks at the ice cream tub on the table with pictures of joey and i spread all over it

"kels" he sits down next to me

"i don't want your sympathy" i say

"shut up" he says pulling me into a hug

i start to cry into his chest and he tightens his grip around me, "what happened yesterday"

i pull away from him and lay my head down on the couch, "i let him go"

"wh-what do you mean?"

"i told him i don't want to see him anymore, ever. t-to stay out of my life" i grab a napkin and wipe my tears

jacob looks away and scoffs, "wow kels"

"what?"

"you didn't stop him?"

"why would i? he still chose her" i say

he shakes his head, "it was so obvious he wanted you kels. if he loved her he wouldn't even think about coming near you at that party"

"well then he would've ended the marriage but he didn't. if i was so important to him he would've picked me" i vent

"kels, i love you so much but i'm so sick of seeing you crying over him. he's trying so hard kelsey and you keep letting him leave" jacob says