Roommates

part 50

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i took kelsey out to a date while my mind was on lily. i know it's horrible but i couldn't stop thinking about it

we sat down at our booth and i was thinking for a while. she doesn't know that lily and i have an open relationship

i don't want her to know either. she would think i cheated on her but i didn't. i would never cheat on her

it hit me that if i was to be with kels i would have to be in a committed relationship. i kept telling myself that i cant keep one

i've never been in one either, i don't know how it works. she'll get tired of me, all i'll do is control her and make her mad at me

kelsey doesn't deserve that

lily texted me the entire time and she told me how i'm making a mistake and i really am.

i'm kelsey's mistake, she can do better then me. she deserves better

after the date we went back to the dorms and fought. i got mad at her for staring at lily the entire time

it was just an excuse, i wanted to leave her. i didn't want to be with her because if i leave now it wouldn't hurt her as much

i made her think she ruined our date. i made her feel like fucking shit. i made her think terribly of herself

i'm toxic and i'm starting to realize it

kelsey does not need someone toxic in her life and in the reason she's insecure all the time.

what the fuck have i done to her

i've said some stuff to her that night that i regret

i left because i couldn't handle seeing her hurt. i stayed the night at lily's and had her all over me

i took my mind off kelsey by being with lily. we went to class and had a blast in the morning. she had hickeys all over her neck and i was a bit afraid that kels will see them

later that day we went to a party and i saw her talking to a guy, his hair was black and he was tall, he was wearing shades... at a party?

i see him walk her out the party and i look away, i can't get mad, i can't show any emotion

i turn to the next page and it was empty, i skip the next 3 pages

why in the world did he skip those 3 pages? i shake my head and look out the window

it's 10am and the lot is still empty. i look down at the book and continue to read it

i've came to a realization that she makes me happy.

kelsey makes me happy and i want to tell her

i cant love her the way she wants me too but i will love her with everything i have, i want to give her my all. i want to give her the world

i know i've fucked her over so many times but i want to love her

i remember seeing her for the first time, looking into her brown eyes. she took care of me when no one did

i don't care how complicated it has gotten, i still want her and always will. i want to kiss her and hold her in my hands

i don't want her to think i'm ever going to leave her again