Roommates

part 99

Sorry for SUCH a long wait. Trying my best to finish all these books asap. Hope you enjoy ❤️

home

i'm back home but it doesn't feel like home. it's cold. you would think with all the flowers and chocolates i got that i would feel better

flowers and chocolate won't fix the whole in my heart

i've been sitting on the couch looking at my dads photo album with him and my mom. the people i love the most in the world, gone. i keep telling myself that this is all my fault. i feel like a horrible person

i lift a photo of my mom on her birthday, she had frosting on her nose. a small smile forms on my face

she was so beautiful

cynthia thought it was a good idea to leave me home alone to clear my head. i'm mad at her for not letting me come to the hospital yesterday, instead i was with joey

for some reason i feel like that kiss was just to get me distracted, and it worked. it hurts me that he thinks that's the only way i can get my mind off my dad. he took advantage of my vulnerability but he had good intentions. he didn't mean it to hurt me

we said our i love you's again last night. i love him so much but i can't be thinking about joey right now, my dad just passed away.

i feel so numb flipping through the photo album. i feel so alone, like i have no one in the world

how am i going to live without my dad? it took me years to move on from my mom and now i have to move on from my dad? my dad always had a special place in my heart that i couldn't explain

he was the best person in my life and i can't imagine what i'm going to do without him. i know cynthia is going to leave to texas because what is she going to do here with me? i'm going to be all alone

im an adult and still don't know how to get my shit together, i had my dad do that for me.

fuck

i close my eyes and think about the time when my dad was texting me a few days before christmas

i dig my fingernails in my hands, he wanted to talk to me but i kept ending on him

he called me, messaged me.

"isn't is obvious im ignoring your messages?"

"i just wanna talk to you kiddo"

i bite my bottom lip and tears flood down my cheeks. i barely talked to him when he went to texas, he called me and i rarely would answer

he was just being the dad he was. checking up on me as always, putting my happiness before his.

"fuck" i cry

a rage grows inside of me. i open my eyes and look at all the flowers on the table, i want to knock them all off the floor, break the windows, rip the couch, anything to calm me down

i want to find the person who hit my dad, make his life a miserable hell till the day he dies

i shut the album and walk to the kitchen to grab myself a bottle of alcohol. it's only 11 in the morning but i need this

i take out the whiskey and walk over to the table, except i sit on the floor and face the front door

my back leans against the table foot, memories start flooding back to when i would do this all the time

i was always sitting on the floor staring at the front door waiting for my dad to walk in. my mom would be drinking and i would be waiting

but there's no waiting anymore. my dad isn't going to walk through those doors anymore. he's gone, he's fucking gone