Roommates

part 27

joey went out and threw away the sheets and i finished my shower, it's 6 in the morning and class starts at 9.

i barely got any sleep last night, i'm still in the bathroom drying my hair with a towel. i put on my clothes and wait for sophia to text me back

we decided to go get some coffee from the shop that's a block away, i haven't seen joey for an hour now and i've heard the door open and close so many times i wonder if he's left or not

i open the front door and make my way to the table to grab some money from my backpack, when i look at joey he's passed out on the bed

my phone rings and sophia texted me to come outside

+

"shut up" sophia chokes on her coffee, i widen my eyes and kick her under the table, "sorry" she grabs a tissue and wipes her mess

i giggle and take a bite from my bagel, she looks back at me and smiles, "how was it! tell me" she says

"you want me to tell you how it was having sex with your brother?" i laugh

"you make it sound weird! did you like it?" she ask and i shrug my shoulders

"yeah i did" i sigh

"what's wrong?" she ask

"i feel like he's going to leave me again, it's probably not a big deal to him but to me it is" i say

when i look at her i notice she's looking behind me, when i turn my head to look at what she's staring at i see joey and lily walking to class together, hand in fucking hand

when i turn back around my hand hits my coffee and dumbs all over me, "fuck" i stand

"oh my gosh" sophia stands and starts cleaning my mess, i look down at my outfit and the coffee stains on my white shirt

i grab the napkin sophia hands me and start wiping my jeans, "what did you do?" sophia laughs

"i saw something" i tell her

"you saw the butterflies too?" she smiles

"um yeah" i lie and throw the napkins away

"here i have a extra shirt" she opens her bag and hands me a black shirt, i take it from her and sigh

"i'll be right back" i make my way towards the bathroom, fighting back my tears, when i get into a stall i let the tears fall down my cheek

i knew this was going to happen, i told myself not to fall for it and that's exactly what i did. i deserve this, this is all my fault

i'm feeling this way because it's my fault, i begged myself not to fall for his stupid game and i did. i hate myself

i pull the white shirt off me and put on sophia's, i wipe the tears off my cheek and take a deep breath before leaving the bathroom and walking back to her

"ready to go?" she ask

"yeah" i shove the white in my backpack and grab my food from the table

i throw it in the trash can and follow soph to our lecture

what if he's in there with lily, he clearly is. i'll embarrass myself if i go in there

just pretend you don't care, like him taking away your virginity doesn't even matter

sophia holds open the door for me and we walk to any open chairs, when we sit down the class starts. i look around the class to look for joey and lily

when i find joey his eyes were already on me, i look away and bite my tongue, he knew i was looking for him. wow i'm an idiot

i take out my computer and stare at the blank screen, did he forget? what if he thought i was lily

he seems so careless and it's really bugging me, i should've told him how i feel but i'm stupid, stupid for being scared

when i look back at him he's looking at lily, his arm around her, as always they're both laughing quietly, goofing around with each other

i act like it isn't killing me and look back in front of the class

"i'm sorry" sophia says

i look at her and she has a frown on her face, "it's fine" i say

"are you okay?" she ask

"i'm fine" i nod and she looks away

i close my computer and try to focus on the teacher but can't, because in the corner of my eye i see them cuddling with each other

we should've sat somewhere else

when i look at him again they're making out, fully making out, i look at the teacher and he barely notices

i feel a knife get stabbed in my heart, sophia squeezes my hand when she notices i was looking at them, "you shouldn't be here" she says

i look at her, "i have to i already missed a day"

"it's okay, i'll take notes for you. go back to your dorm, or if you want you can stay at mine"

i nod and put my computer in my bag and stand from the lecture and make my way towards the door, not even daring to look at them

i walk into the building and to the third floor, i walk into my dorm and put my bag on the floor and fall on my bed

i run my hand through my hair and cry, letting my tears roam down my face

i sit up and take my clothes off, i pull my jeans off and throw them in the laundry bin

i get back in the shower and turn on the hot water, hoping that maybe it will take away all my stress

when i enter inside i let the water take over my body, i close my eyes and take a deep breath

i rub my eye and notice my mascara is running, i start crying even more because this was never suppose to happen

i grab the body wash and wash my body again, the coffee still stuck on my skin

when i move under the water i start washing my hair, i open my eyes and touch my neck, where joey left the unnoticeable hickey

i press against it and regret when i do, last night replaying in my head over and over again, he says he doesn't want to fall in love and uses lily as a distraction and that's one of the most hardest things i could believe

it doesn't make any sense, i start crying to the point where i can no longer breath, i never cry over boys. never. and here i am, crying my eyes out

my back hits the cold tile wall and i slide down, sitting down with my head in my hands and my heart in his hands

crushing it with each chance he gets, stopping on it whenever he's with lily, throwing it as if i'm an object and that's exactly what i am

an object, i pull the roots of my hair and fight back my tears but fail terrible.