Roommates

part 33

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i throw my bag on the floor and slam the door shut, i flop on my bed and start crying

i knew this would happen, i knew he would go to her. he always goes back to her and i'm a fool for it

his fake i loves you and his fake promises, what the fuck is wrong with me. i just want to tear everything in this damn fucking room

i don't want to even think about any of this but being in a room with him is just testing my patience, i want to throw his clothes on the floor or maybe throw them out the window and break his bed.

i want him to know how mad i am but i also want him to think that i don't care

and the stupidest thing about all this is that i even tried to go find him after class to talk to him, to apologize for ruining our date but he was with her, with lily. holding hands, she even had the audacity to check if i was looking.

how can he tell me he loves me but do that. it was a lie, my subconscious says and she's right

it's joey, he's a liar. i should know that by now.
after class ended i tried to go after him and talk to him. it's all my fault, i shouldn't have worried about it

i ruined our date, i did.

he went back to lily, no matter what i do he'll never like me the way he likes her. he'll never look at me the way he looks at her.

it hurts me to say that i still love him and want him back in here but hes probably with her

lily always got what she wanted and always will and i don't know how to feel.

she was such an amazing friend to me but when a guy comes in between us she'll do anything to get him

i wish she knew how i felt and what joey is doing. i'm just a fool

+

"shh" i hear

i open my eyes slowly and notice joey was in the room, i check the time and it's 2 in the morning

"what are you doing?" i ask, sitting up from the bed just to see lily is in here as well

"he's just packing some stuff" lily answers

"packing... for what?" i question, lily and joey exchange glances.

"he's moving into my dorm" she says, my heart falls. her phone starts ringing and she leaves the room

i get off the bed and walk to joey, "are you actually going to move into her dorm?" i ask, my heart breaking a bit

"um... yea" he shoved another shirt in his bag

"joey" i hold his arm, he looks at my arm then slowly at my face, "can we talk about this... please?" my voice cracks

"there isn't anything to talk about, really." he replies

"please joey we just got into one argument and you're seriously already moving into her dorm?" i scoff

he ignores me and continues putting stuff into his bag. i watch him as he starts growing a bit annoyed.

how can he already move to her dorm? it was seriously just one argument.
this is just proving he never really loved you. my subconscious slaps me

i take a step back and wait for him to say something, anything, before lily comes back. i want to talk to him. i didn't notice everything in the room was gone until i look. his posters were down and half his clothes as well

"what do you meant me to do?" he zips his bag

"i want you to stay. i want us to talk this out. you're leaving me here alone joey" my eyes start to tear

"i'm sorry kels" he puts his backpack on his shoulder

"you told me you love me"

his mouth parts and his eyes widen. a tear falls down my eye and i quickly wipe it

"was that a lie too?" my voice shakes

he looks at the wall behind me, ignoring my the tears in my eyes. his eyes showing absolutely no emotion.

"look at me!" i scoff, his eyes meet mine and i cant find anything else i want to say for him to know how i feel

"i'm sorry" is all he says

"that's it? do you really think a sorry is going to make me feel better? you broke my heart, again. i cant keep letting you in because you just end up hurting me again and i can't take it joey" i say

"then why do you keep letting me in"

"because i still think there's hope. i still love you... maybe i don't know" i do love him but i can't let him think that for now

the door opens and lily walks in, i wipe my tears and turn to her.

"what's going on?" she smiles

"i was just helping joey pack" i answer, giving joey the last shirt in the drawer

"how sweet" lily smiles, "we should go now joey" lily walks to the door

"um yea" joey says, glancing around the room to make sure he really did take everything

"bye" he says walking past me.

i watch them walk out the door together and i slide down the wall and start crying

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