Inside Your Mind

17 - Hitoshi Shinsou

With rays that will cure me of the pain that keeps my lungs tight

Hitoshi Shinsou was understandably upset, as he got back to the changing rooms. Things hadn't gone as bad as they could have gone and the people from his course that were watching were actually cheering for him and people were commenting on how well he did, but he still wasn't too content.

As he got back out of the changing rooms after showering, he noticed someone standing around there, waiting. Kaori. God, he was never happier to see her. He had seen her very shortly during lunch break, so he could get her his shirt, but then she was off to have a quick shower.

She had been wearing a man's coat that was way too big on her and her uniform blouse underneath looked like it had blood stains all over it. Hitoshi had been quite worried about her, but he hoped that now the time for an explanation had come. After all he was out - he had lost the sparring match during the first bracket and that was it. The one thing that comforted him, was that everyone else came from basic training and was training like this pretty much every day.

"Hey, champ." she greeted him with a slight smile. She still looked incredibly tired. Hitoshi huffed.

"Not really. Dropped out first round." he mumbled as she walked towards him. His heart felt heavy, and he didn't even know why. He knew that we wouldn't win this thing realistically. But still it felt like such a damn failure.

"But you made it into the sparring rounds at all! Toshi, that's huge. Come here." Kaori said and held out her arms. Hitoshi hugged her tightly. Every time he hugged his sister he realized how he had gotten taller than her. Kaori was maybe around 5'5", while he had grown to 5'9" during the last two years. It still surprised him every single time, especially since he had always looked up to his sister.

"You did so well, Toshi. I was sitting up there and watching and I heard a lot of people say how well you did down there. No reason to be sad." she told him. But for some reason that made Hitoshi even sadder. He could just feel all the pressure of the last few weeks burst out of him, as he started crying.

"I'm... I'm sorry, there's... really no reason... for me... to cry like a baby." he mumbled, embarrassed about being this upset about something so small. It really shouldn't matter that much to him. Of course, he had hoped to get all the way to the top, but he knew from the start that wasn't happening. But still... he couldn't help it. He just couldn't help what he wanted in his heart.

"Hey, hey, come on. Let's sit down." Kaori said and sat down in the hallway, leaning against the wall. Hitoshi followed suit and leaned against the wall, quickly wiping the tears from his face. He just felt tired and exhausted now. Maybe he had let it all out already and he could get over it.

"I just... I just really wanted to get into the Criminology course. The one combined with basic training. But with this, I doubt I'll make it. Maybe I should just settle for doing Psychology and get it over with. Sure, it won't be as good, but I can still get into Criminal Psychology later on with it, right?" he told her, feeling more and more empty. This was terrible. This was just terrible.

"Hey, don't worry about that. I think, you caught Mr. Aizawa's attention during the fight. I'd rarely see him this enthusiastic. You'll be fine. See what happens during the next few years. If you want, I can talk to him about possibly transferring you and he might be able to pull some strings. It'll be fine, Toshi. You did really well out there." Kaori replied, still hugging him, running her hand through his hair.

"I don't know... if I can't do it on my own, did I even really do it?" he wanted to know. This all just felt really discouraging to Hitoshi. He knew this was just an initial thing, it was probably the stress and everything. It still stung.