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HINDI TAYO PWEDE

Looking at the woman that i love, i can't help myself but to smile, and yeah by just looking at her— she never fail me to fall for her more.

"Let's go?" I nodded and interwined our fingers while walking.

We just have a lowkey realtionship. She's my girlfriend, but she's also my bestfriend, my family, and a partner all at once kahit sa mga kalokohan.

We just walked and talked na parang hindi mauubusan ng topic. Yeah, basta siya kausap ko, kahit ang mga walang kwentang bagay ay nagkakaroon ng kwenta. Basta nasa tabi ko lang siya.

I looked at her once again. I really love when she talked, when she smiles especially to me, when she laughed and giggled.

Bewildered and i don't know how to react anymore when she said it again, "I love you, Clyde."

Gay it is, but my face flushed red and blushed when i heard it coming from her kissable lips.

The moment our eyes met, i am sure na siya na, siyang-siya na talaga.

"I love you too." I answered her with all my heart.

But the conflict— I know we will cope up it together. But this one? I don't know.

She's an Iglesia ni Cristo and I am a Christian. I know that in the first place, pero pinilit pa rin namin kahit na hindi kami pwede. We love each other! And no one can break it!

"Nalaman na nila! Galit na galit sila sa akin. What are we going to do? Sinasabi nila na makipag hiwalay na ako sayo. You're not meant for me, i am not for you." I immediately wiped her tears, it breaks me.

"Shh... we will cope this, okay?" I hugged her, and kissed her head.

She cried on my shoulder.

"I have a solution..." she said and my eyes grew bigger.

"What is it? I will do it for you, for us." I heard her heave a sigh.

"Will... will you come with us?"

That question. I know what she meant, she wanted me to be part of them.

Nalilito akong iniling ang aking ulo.

"N-no... i mean, i can't! I love my religion. I love God, more than anything."

"Then, break up with me. We can't do anything, i love my religion too. Hindi tayo pwede." I saw her tears fall again, but i can't do anything now.

I remain standing in front of her, don't know what to do.

My eyes uneasy. I can't talk even a single word.

Bakit kailangan pa namin 'tong harapin? Hindi ba pwedeng mag mahalan na lang kami? Forget the world outside, and just be together.

She wiped her tears and smiled bitterly. And with that, she knows my answer. She walked away.

And all i can do is put my head down and cried hard.

I really do love her! No one knows, how much i love her!

--

Months had past.

My eyes messy, black circle under my eyes. Now i realize, i can't continue my life without her.

I begged.

"Nina, please... take me back to your life again. Take me back..." I pleaded, and i don't care, basta bumalik lang siya, maging akin lang ulit siya.

She looked at me. I can see, she's tired in everything like me.

"I still love you..." she said and my heart again beat fast like before. Nothing change!

"I love you more!" I said as i hugged her tightly like she'll walk away with me and leave me again.

"But you need to come with us. Will you?" She asked me that question again.

And I know my answer now.

"My pleasure. If being an Iglesia ni Cristo, is being with you, then i am willing." I saw her tears but now, happiness is written all over in her face.

Yes, we became together again. I became an Iglesia ni Cristo for her, kahit na magalit lahat ng tao sa akin... even my family, just for her.

"I love you, Nina."

--

And now, looking at her from a far with her long white wedding dress.

I heard they're vows inside a church, in front of people, in front of God... how they love each other, 'till death do them part.

I cried silently, tears all over my eyes, just like with my heart falling apart looking at them from a far kissing each other when the father pronounce that they are already husband and wife.

"Congratulations..." I weakly murmured, plastered with a bitter smile on my face.

Yes, we became together again pero hindi na bumalik yung pagmamahalan na mayroon kami noong una kaming nagkakilala.

Maraming sana ang nasa utak ko ngayon. Sana hindi na lang niya ako pinilit na maging isa sa relihiyon nila, sana hindi na lang niya ako pinabalik sa buhay niya, sana hindi na lang ako nag pumilit, sana 'di ko na lang siya pinaglaban. Pero minahal ko lang naman siya.

And maybe— that happened to us, for her to learn how to fight for love kahit na relihiyon ang kalaban.

And yes, she fought for love. She became a Christian for the man that she love— but sadly that's not me.

--

HartleyRoses

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