One Shot Stories

121

ONE DAY CHANCE TO LIVE

The cold breeze embrace my bare skin and I rembered that tomorrow is my birthday. But I just want to disappear, right here, right now. I just want to die.

So I set up everything, I prepared the rope, the chair... and eveything that I need to make it.

But suddenly I saw my bucket list notebook who fell from my bed side table. And it opened, and I saw a page that have my handwritten years ago.

My tears begun to fall. I started to write on my bucket list when I have still so many dreams... and I didn't expect that I'll came here at this point that I just want to end everything. I don't have dreams anymore.

I looked and read on what was written there, and what a coincidence...

Entry # 101: My last bucket list.

"If you are going to the point that you need to end everything, if you are at the point that you wanna die (I hope not), but in case that it will happen... I want you to give it a ONE DAY CHANCE TO LIVE. Give yourself a chance and find the reason to survive. Always be positive! Just keep on fighting.

I smiled bitterly when I read the last page. I'm really an optemistic person with full of positivity in life, a dreamer, a girl who always look at the bright side, and a brave soul. But here I am drowning at the things that I didn't expect that I'll experience.

Tired, pain, suffer, sadness, depression, anxiety, loneliness, emptiness... and it's just exploded.

And it seems like I am in the middle of the ocean... the water is my problems, and I am already drowned. I don't know how to get up and breath for me to live and survive.

I gazed again at my last bucket list. At least, I can still try? It's just a one day, I just want my oldself back, even for the last time.

Just give it a try.

And so I start it to myself. I I bathed and wash myself, I dressed up, and I make myself look more presentable like I am not battling with death.

I go to my vanity mirror and I smiled... although it's not genuine.

And the first thing that I need to do is to smile to those people whom I meet and will have an eye contact.

I tried my best to smile.

I remembered my bestfriends, why I forgot them? So I go the place where we always hangout.

And I smiled again when I saw them, they are all here, but they didn't notice me because I think they're talking some serious talk? Maybe?

So I came closer and hear what they are all saying, and they talking about me.

"Where's Catalina? It's been three weeks since she went to us?" one of my friend asked.

"Oh come on Nalie, as if you care? As if we care?" And after she said it, they all laughed.

"She's a drama queen! Oh my God!"

"You're true, sis! She's over reacting, like it is the end of the world." And they all laughed again.

They backstabbed me, and I wish that I didn't hear it and knows about it. I thought they are my real friends, because when I am messaging or chatting them, they are giving me some advices and motivational words... but they are thinking that I am just over reacting things. And it hurts. They are my friends but they didn't believe me.

I immidiately leave and go to my parent's house. I hope that they are in our house and not at work. I want to talk to them.

But when I saw them, I didn't quickly show myself to them. I also want to hear what they are talking about.

"Catalina's birthday is tomorrow," my mom said. And with that, there's small hope that build inside me.

"What? Don't think about her, she is not even our real daughter."

Stupefied and my eyes grew bigger, another tear fell from my eyes.

I didn't continue eavesdropping to them,  because it will hurt me more. Now, I know the reason why they are like that to me. They will never appreciate me because I am not their daughter, and will never be.

And then I remembered again, I still have my boyfriend. Yes, our last meeting is not good, but we are still in a relationship. He is my only hope.

But yeah, destiny fuck up! I saw him with the girl whom he told me not to worry about... the girl who I treated as my sister, the girl who I treasure so much because she is my bestfriend.

I caught them being sweet to each other and kissing each other like they are a perfect couple. And I don't need an explanation to that.

I looked up at a dark sky and cry silently. I have so many questions playing in my head, but all I could say was...

"Why?"

After that tiring day, I go back to my apartment. My darkness haven. My darkness sanctuary.

I tried everything but all the reasons why I want to survive and to live is also the reason why I wanna die.

And for the last time, I greeted myself.

"Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. H-Happy... B-Birthday, happy b-birthday. Happy b-b-birthday to m-me."

I looked at the clock. It was exactly 12:00 am at midnight, it's already my birthday.

"I am tired. I wanna rest... forever." Then the cold breeze from ouside touch my skin again.

I finally touch the rope and put it in my neck... that end all of my pain.

The day that I am born is also the day that I'll disappear forever.

--

HartleyRoses