JanTom: Complete Opposites

Chapter Thirty-Five : Distance

Chapter Thirty-Five : Distance

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I was used to people leaving me. Treating me as if we're mere strangers with false memories---like every time we spent was just an act. I was done with feeling that way. Feeling pathetic, helpless and betrayed.

That's why I avoided myself from ever trusting others. From opening myself to them. It's a gamble. You could get hurt in the end or you could have the best memories to cherish for a lifetime.

I was too afraid to gamble again. That somehow history would repeat the same fate laid on mine. That I was set for another misery.

And yet no matter how I try to conceal, to bury the feeling deep inside the core of my heart...it still stands the fact that I was afraid.

I was afraid to be alone.

"Janna. Hey!"

It took a couple of seconds to realize I was in another one of my daydream. I realized I've been doing it often and somehow it seems to calm me down.

In front of me Star stood, crossing her arms as she stared at me with eyes fixated deeply into my own. "You've acting weird these past few days. Tell me, is someone bullying you again? I swear I'll give them a good wedgie."

I snorted, eyeing her in amusement. "I don't think you should be that excited to give someone a wedgie."

"Then, is something troubling you? If not, you need to buy supplies for the booth this afternoon," she pretends to act stern, but that cheeky grin on her lips ruins just that.

"You're going with Tom," she pointed to the empty seat of his.

I stare at the vacant desk, feeling somewhat nostalgic and this heavy burden on my chest. Then my eyes shifted to where he stood in front, speaking casually with one of our classmates.

He looks to be having fun and just like I've always thought, he truly belonged to the crowd where people admired him. I knew that this would happen someday..but this twisted feeling in my chest prevents me from truly being entirely happy with it.

Tch. What am I saying? He belongs there. I told him from the start that he was going to get dragged from me. That he'll become an outcast...and yet he stayed.

"Janna...?"

"Sorry," I blinked, rubbing my eyes as I look up to Star eyeing me in concern. "--I'm just tired."

"Don't push yourself too much, okay?"

"Alright."

These past few days felt like a month had just passed through my fingertips. Somehow Tom is avoiding me...as if he dislikes me.

Did I say something wrong to him? Or maybe he's grown cold and tired of me. For keeping up with a mess like me.

I deserved it. I'm a horrible person. I truly am. I expected him to grew tired of me sooner. Who could keep up with someone like me? I wasn't a saint. I wasn't the best person and all I thought about was myself.

Pushing him away, throwing brash words at him was the thing I'm good at. And now he's finally had enough of that.

And yet...I wanted him to stay.