JanTom: Complete Opposites

Chapter Forty-One : Playing For Her

Chapter Forty-One : Playing For Her

    For as long as I could remember, no one understood me.

   No one could see me for who I was, or what I truly felt.

  To me, there was only one thing that was my salvation. Where I could pour every sadness and bitterness, where I felt like their words could no longer reach me.

     That was music. Every happiness, sadness, and ache could be silenced by just one tune. A single melody that became my only will to cling on.

   
 

Every arguement that ringed the walls, screams of despair, cries for plead, vanished. To me, that single sound was enough for me. That in those worst times, I could feel it comforting me, embracing me that everything would be fine.

    But it wasn't. I was just simply trying to silence it. Trying to ignore it. Trying to escape from the reality that stood in front of my eyes.

     How miserable my parents were, how their anger was placed onto me. How I wasn't as good as that kid, or how I could've at least stopped being a burden. To them, I was just their punch bag.

    Where all their anger and frustration was thrown onto me, where I was the only outlet.

    I had no one. And no one needed me.

    That's when I listened to a band by random chance, and suddenly something struck me. How beautiful and graceful the way he pressed those keys. How gentle and yet brash the tone was. How it made a kid like me burst into tears.

   And so with every money I saved, I bought myself a keyboard. It might not have been the best model, but the thrill of pressing a key and a single tune coming out was enough to make me happy.

     I didnt knew the basics, but with what I could manage, I kept on trying until I realized that my life had revolved around it. That nothing mattered anymore.

   The dark coloured walls had started to vanish and painted themselves with bright, joyful colors. Everything felt so right. Just me and this keyboard. No one could bring me down. Not their words could ever pierce me.

      Music was my soul. And that keyboard was my weapon.

   My parents found out and they berated me. I finally realized what I wanted to do. Who I wanted to be. I wanted to make music.

    That somehow my music could save someone, just like how music saved me. That I could reach their hearts. That I could empathize with them.

    With my parents knowing that, they were enraged. Called me a disgrace.  A good for nothing, a useless being who will never get anywhere.

    That my music was bland, mediocre and not one person would bother to hear it. Not one single would reach through me. Not my voice could comfort them.

    I'd never make it in life, they said. No one will expect anything from me. That I'd end up in a dead end job trying to make ends meet with my terrible music on the side.

   But even so, I wanted to keep at it. I wanted to pursue what I truly love doing. What comforted me in my darkest times, who could only understand.

  A lonely, not needed person.

   Somehow along the way, maybe my parents were right. Maybe, I'm just a nobody who'll never make it anywhere.

   No one would listen to me. No one would bother to stop and listen. At least just a spare second.

   But then, she said she wanted to listen.

  I knew very well that she was doing it out of politeness, but still hearing that made me so happy. That I could finally play for someone. That someone...could listen.

And she said she liked it. That smile on her face was genuine. I remember it vividly. How my music reached her. How I made her understood.

And somehow...I wanted to play for her.

    "Oskar?"

I blinked, snapping out of my thoughts and turned to look at Janna pursing her lips whilst she leaned her body against the walls.

      "You've been spacing out. Your ice cream is melting."

  I looked down at my cold, dripping fingers and she was right. I somehow didn't notice the cold, sweet dessert dripping down. I smiled, bringing my hand to my lips and licked it.

      Not a second later, Janna makes me loud, audible groan. "Stop that! That's disgusting!"

    I stared at her and she has this grossed out look. I chuckled, bringing my licked hand close to her and she screams, making out inaudible  noises.

     "Wipe that!"

    "It's my hand," I stated. "--want to help me?"

     "I'd  rather swallow a cockroach then lick those fingers of yours," her nose wrinkled in distaste.

     "So you like crunchy stuff?" I say in amusement, watching her face grow more disturbed.

   "You know what?" she huffed, crossing her arms. "---I don't care anymore. Whatever.  Go lick that infested  hands of yours. I don't care if you get bacteria on your tongue or something."

      I chuckled, retracting my hand away from her and she immediately  grabs the spare tissue and chucks it at my face--to which fails and barely makes an inch near to me. "That was anti-climactic," she huffed.

     I grabbed the lying tissue and wiped my hands, whilst watching her looking at me intently--seeing if I'd  truly follow her. "I won't touch you. So don't worry."

    "I don't trust you," she grumbled.

   "Really?" I mused, putting down the tissue and stared up at the vast clear skies. "---aren't I trust-worthy enough? I mean I helped you so many times."

    "You meant, barging in and making a fuss?"

    "Exactly," I smile.

   My eyes avert to Janna and she stares at the skies with a certain look on her eyes. I sigh, running a hand through  my hair with a somewhat dismayed smile.

    I want to reach her. But her heart is playing for someone else.

   And so, I'd still play for her, for the girl who listened to my music.

September 20, 2020

Author's note :

  Sorry for the late upload, and thank you to the people who messaged me. It's been a rough week for me. My dog just died and many things, so your encouragement and warm reception was very welcomed.

  I'll be back with longer updates soon :')