c • r • u • s • h // ryland storms

• n e w d e c i s i o n •

3rd September 2021

"Lana you shouldn't beat everyone who makes you mad." said Jaden. "I know this is fun but this shouldn't be your way. You're more than this, you can beat them with your career, not with your punches." We were sitting in backyard of Sway with Jaden, Mads, Charli, Dixie, Blake, Amelie and Noah.

"I definitely agree with Jaden." said Amelie. "Lana I understand you are extremely mad and you're trying do something to ease your anger but this is not the right way."

"It's not anger that she's trying to ease." said Dixie. "It's pain. That's why she wanted them to be in pain too."

A tear went down from my eye, Noah wiped it quickly. "Don't cry. Ryland should be the one who's crying cause he lost a angel like you."

"Noah it's not the right time to flirt with Lana." said Mads.

  "What?" said Charli.

"Yeah, Noah has a crush on Lana but just like Mads said, it's not the right time." said Blake.

"Guys thank you for being with me tonight also I learned my lesson, I won't hit anyone anymore. Now all I wanna do is go to my room and sleep. Wait I don't have any room. So I guess I'mma sleep on couch." I get up.

  "You can sleep in my room." said Noah. "Don't worry, I'll take the couch."

  "Okay." I said. I went to Noah's room and collapsed on his bed. I started to cry. Dixie was right. I'm in pain. How will I survive from this pain?

  I get up and went to Noah's bathroom. I washed my face then took my clothes off. I took a shirt from Noah's closet and wore it. Then I started to looking his room. There was a lot of photos on his walls. His childhood photos, a photo of his grandparents, a photo of his parents, a few photo of his sisters, a photo of Noah with his football team... Then I noticed something. A photo of me and Noah. The night we went to beach with Addison, Dixie, Curtis and Noah.Ah, Addison you have no idea about how much I miss you. It would be easier if I was laying on Addison's knees, crying and she is playing with my hair. Wish she was here...

  I saw a white pocket on his wardrobe. No way, Noah. I took a chair and step on it, look what he have on his wardrobe. I laughed when I saw a pocket of coco and marijuana. I took them and sat on the floor, started to smoking and snorting cocaine. Then Noah came to his room. "I'm sorry I came to take a tshirt." he said then he noticed me sitting on the floor. "Well, I guess you found my little secret." he sat next to me.

  "Do you want me to do a line for you?" I asked.

"Please don't tell anyone about that. It would end my football career." he said.

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." I said.

  "You're wearing my tshirt." he said. "It looks good on you."

   I noticed a bible on his shelf. "Are you reading this?" I asked.

"Every morning." he said.

  I laughed. "At least you're not the type of christians who doesn't know about a word in bible."

" Are you a believer?" he asked.

I laughed again. "Nope baby boy, you get me wrong."

"I think you should read bible. At least you should give a chance. God is with you even tho you're not worship him. Pray the God to ease your pain, he will help you, he will hold your hand and make you get up. He will show you the right way." he said.

"If I pray the God, I'd only pray to God let me die in my sleep." I said.

"Your nose is bleeding." said Noah. "Let me get you a napkin. Also it's enough. Give me that pocket." he took the pocket from my hands. I wiped the blood with my finger then went to his bathroom and washed my face.

  I looked at the mirror. Maybe Dixie is right. I only have one life to live and the way I'm living is killing me. I should stop this. Why I'm always feeling blue? Why I'm slowly ending myself?

   That moment I decided to have a better life. I promised myself to stop overthinking. I promised myself to not shed a tear for Ryland. I will live my life as the way I always wanted. Parties, drugs and boys. Boys that won't break my heart.

  Then Noah came with a napkin in his hand. "I got it." I said. "But thanks for napkin."

  He looked at my reflection in the mirror. "You're so beautiful."

  I turned my face to him. "You said your tshirt looks good on me but you know where it would look better on?"

  "If it was on the floor." he smirked.

  "Exactly." I said and wrapped my arms around his neck. I smashed my lips onto his lips. He put his hands on my waist and kissed me harder. I wrapped my legs around his torso as he grabbed my hips. We went to his bed without breaking the kiss. Then I broke the kiss and took my tshirt off, threw it to the floor. I was just in my underwears. "Baby lay me down and let's pray." I said smiling. He smirked and lay me down on his bed...