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14- Crush

The truth was things were starting to get bad again because I hadn't been fully sober in so long. But it felt like nobody liked me when I was sober. When I was high, everyone loved me, they thought I was fun, they liked to be around me. They liked me to be the entertainer and they used and drained me but it felt good, it felt good to be wanted even if they didn't really want me.

But I was in Hogwarts, I had to keep it hidden, I couldn't get caught, I'd get expelled.

The stress of exams approaching and the atmosphere in Hogwarts was too much for me to handle though.

That was how me and Draco wound up drunk in an empty classroom.

We had attempted to study at first, but then one thing led to another, and before I knew it I was completely drunk in the middle of Sprout's spare classroom. We were supposed to be revising for our Potions exam, but then he pulled out a flask from one of his robe pockets and that was it.
One shot turned into two, two turned into three, until we both couldn't stop giggling.

And I didn't regret it. I didn't regret not being sober because for the first time in a long time, I felt young.

It felt as though me and Draco were in third year, like we when we first secretly tried firewhiskey. Though, to anyone who would walk in it would look far from innocent, but truly, truly, it was innocent. We were being childish, acting like kids.

It was too hot, we had stripped down, we were dancing and stumbling, kicking pieces of parchment and spilling ink pots. His shirt had been discarded, my shirt was open, my tie on the floor, my skirt was still on and so were his trousers. We were being silly, he took his tie and tied it around his waist after pretending to use it as a whip. I laughed with him and tied mine around my head.

I kicked it up a notch in though when I reached in my bag and pulled out the tiny little bag of white powder. He grinned excitedly.

I don't know why, it was probably because we were drunk and not thinking straight but he was lining up a line on the flat of my stomach, dipping his head down to sniff it off of me. His nose tickled my skin, I cramped up and laughed, he laughed with me and then laid flat on his back, tipping the rest of the bag on his own stomach. I lined it neatly as he drank a little more, leaning up on his elbows so he didn't choke on it and so he could see me. It made his muscles contract beneath my fingers. When I was done he handed me the flask which I gratefully accepted.

It didn't occur to us that we were indecent. He didn't see me in that way, it didn't bother him that he could see my bra, that he was so close to my skin, because he wasn't attracted to me like that, and I wasn't attracted to him like that either. But from an outsiders perspective it looked wrong, it looked like we were up to something that we weren't. So when we heard someone clear their throat, immediately we reacted, jumping away from each other.

It was Lupin.

He stood with an expression that I never wanted to see from him.

It was anger, it was disgust, it was awkwardness, it was him holding back.

"50 points off of Slytherin."

We were so intoxicated, we didn't care that we were in trouble, we were still giggling, maybe if it was Dumbledore we would have gotten scared. Draco rose to his feet, offering me his hand so he could pull me up.

"Draco go back to your dorm, or your common room. I suggest you sober up quickly, I'll be seeing you in detention."

I was still laughing as Draco departed from the classroom, and then he stood in front of me, he looked down slightly and then immediately looked back up to my face, directly at my eyes.