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62- Tonks

I had run out of everything. My mind felt like a maze. The thoughts smashed together like they were at war with each other and they stopped me from forming a single coherent action.
So I squeezed my eyes shut, to try and make it stop but his voice was so loud that it felt like he was using a megaphone when in reality he was only raising his voice an octave.

Still, I covered my ears and paced around the room, ignoring his lecture. It was the same conversation we had been having every other day now, I had heard it all before.

Things had gotten ugly again.

"Are you even listening to me?" He shouted and I snapped out of it, opening my eyes to look at him.

"I've got to go to work so just give it a rest will you." I snapped as I pushed past him, grabbing my jacket from the hanger and slamming the door behind me.

I had misread the time. I was too busy flipping our bedroom upside down to notice that I was late for work.

I had no concept of the weather. If it was cold or hot, I didn't know, but my body burned as I shivered and I tried to make sense of what to do.

My heart was racing, but that could have been because of the way Remus had been shouting at me.

I had disappointed him.
Again.

I decided I needed to get to work. There was no time to find more. I hadn't been in the last three days, if I missed another, I'd get fired surely.

As I made my way down to the Ministry, I prepped myself to try and disguise it but my hands wouldn't stop shaking and I prayed that I wouldn't be sent on any missions.

"Where have you been?" Sirius asked worriedly, as I finally got in, taking off my jacket and the sweater I was wearing, feeling the fabric stick to my skin from the sweat.

Remus hadn't told him then. Thank Merlin for that.

"What are we doing?" I asked instead, ignoring his question and he started to explain but it seemed like his voice drowned out because I wasn't paying attention again.

I was zoning out. All I could think about was the feeling of my clothes on my skin. How they were touching. It made no fucking sense at all, but it was setting me off. And their talks about how to improve the auror department was so fucking dull that I started to contemplate offing myself there and then.

I need to find Adrian.

It had been a while since I had seen him.
The last time I had seen him was for the same reason. The stuff he had given me had lasted me a good while but now I was out and I couldn't last the day without it.

"Cover for me." I whispered into Sirius' ear as the rest of the team discussed what the agenda was.

"What?"

"Cover for me." I repeated and I barely gave him a chance to respond as I got up and prepared to leave but his hand was fast to catch my wrist and he was pulling me back down again.

"You can't leave. They're introducing a new member." He said excitedly and I looked at him dumbfounded.

"Who?"

"You'll see. Just sit do.."

"Are you going to cover for me or not Pads? Because you're really starting to wind me up. Just.. just five minutes man. That's.."

"Nymphadora Tonks everyone. I'd like you to all make her feel very welcome."

"Tonks is fine."

"Ah yes sorry. Tonks."