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63- Aurors

Royal borough of Kensington and Chelsea.

It felt better. Like a breath of fresh air.

The thing with me was, I couldn't be in the same place for too long. I'd have to change, otherwise I'd start to feel trapped. It had been a month since I had left and I was living alone for the first time ever in my life.

And I started to realise how really I couldn't function without Remus.  There was shit to do, rent to pay, electricity, water, food to buy, insurances, mortgages.

I always let Remus take care of that sort of stuff but now I was forced to do it myself and to say I was struggling was an understatement.

I took Peanut back too.

He was mine after all.

And honestly, if I had not had him with me I think I wouldn't have survived.

I was well aware of how I put myself in this mess to begin with. This heartbreak was purely self inflicted.

I broke up with Remus, I left him.
And even though I knew it was the right thing to do, it was hard. It had been a month since I had been into work aswell. I made some sort of excuse to my boss on how I had to be up North for a while, that I'd take the paid days off of some holiday or something because I was nowhere near fit to go to work.

It was the loneliness month of my life. I didn't see anyone. I barely left the house and I had the same routine every day.

I'd wake up midday. Feed Peanut. Breakfast, which consisted heavily on some sort of alcohol. Whether it was a Stella or Chardonnay, I needed something. And then I'd take Peanut on a walk and as soon as I'd get back I'd do lines of coke until I felt some kind of alive, and then somewhere during the evening, I'd throw up and I'd be a complete mess. Crying and missing Remus.
And then I'd order take out and I'd fall asleep with Peanut on my chest. I'd repeat it every single day.

No visitors allowed.

No one was allowed to see the state I was in, I refused. I would rather get stabbed than for Blaise or Draco to see me this pathetic and sad.
They had tried once or twice, but then they got the message that I wanted to self destruct alone.

Sirius never came.
I suppose that was a given.

I had never had anxiety before. Not like I had now as I got dressed for my first day back.
It was like starting Hogwarts, but worse because I wasn't new, but it would be the first time I'd see Sirius after this whole mess.

I'd prepped myself for it. He would be angry.
I broke Moony's heart of course he would be angry. He might not forgive me. It would be okay if he didn't. I'd accept it. He would have a side to pick and I would never hold it against him for picking Remus.

We were partners though.
What did that mean?
Was I supposed to just..get on with it? Not say anything?
What if he didn't want to work with me?
Would I have to..

My thoughts were cut off by a loud ring. I picked up the phone.

"Miss Avery. Your re.."

"I know I know. I'll do it."

I kept m forgetting to pay rent. Every time I thought about it, I'd set out to do it and then I'd just forget. I'd do it as soon as I got back from work I promised myself. I couldn't forget about it.