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90- Epilogue

28.

It turns out, we didn't have that much time in the end after all.

Still,

Something about 28 felt right for me. Morbid as it may have seemed, I think it was sort of fitting.

But I think the hardest part was the guilt.

I think if life had been a bit fairer, I would have done it myself. If it was that way, then maybe he could be angry for a while at least. Someone to blame. Me. He could blame me.. which I never minded in all honesty. If anything, it sort of compensated.. for.. well everything he had given me.

But whatever, life worked in the way it worked, and things happened for a reason, even if we could never comprehend it. You could not fight against the force of time.

My relationship with religion was one for the books. I didn't know what came after life. If there was a creator who put us on Earth as a great test or if there was really nothing afterward. Whether or not I believed in it was tricky. I did sometimes. Some things just couldn't be explained and a lot of what stopped me from ending my own life was the fear of whatever happened next.

Was there heaven and hell?

Did the world just go black? As if you were asleep?

Or would you be tormented for your sins. Punished for the things you had done, all the damage you had caused, like a scale tipping, judging whether the good outweighed the evil?

I couldn't say for certain that my wrongdoings overweighed my good deeds. Because in my life I had done an awful lot of wrong. An awful lot of wrong.

But life was unfair, mostly to him and I wish that it wasn't because if there was anyone who deserved a happy ending it was him. For all the awful wrongs I had done he had done too many rights. It was unfair. Too much suffering, too much loss and the loneliness..

The loneliness would kill him I was sure of it.

A lot changed in three years. The ministry and the auror department.. none of it gave the same thrill it once did, but he pushed me to do what I had wanted to do to begin with. What he managed to know, within the first few weeks we met at Hogwarts. It was weird that. How could someone know you, or better yet read you so well, when you might not have even been sure of it yourself?

I hated to admit that he was right because he was often right about a lot of things, but there was no use in proving myself anymore. Who did I have left to prove? More importantly who did it ever benefit?

So I put on my big girl boots and I started over. We moved to Brighton after the first year and he encouraged me every step of the way.

Avery's.

His little spurs of encouragement and constant praises was what made it successful. It was hard, coming up with designs, day in day out, dresses, skirts, blouses, cloaks, everything. Brighton had less competition. Smarter move for us to go. London was far too expensive, too many businesses that would interfere and Brighton was close enough to the city if we ever needed it, but after all that time apart, we just wanted to be alone really.

Sirius came whenever he could. He was welcome whenever, he knew that. Blaise had his hands full. Raising a kid was practically a full time job. Draco.. Draco.. well we made do.
Nowhere on earth could be far enough to break that tie. He knew that too. We had each other always. Brighton, London, Rome, Hogwarts, wherever. Kieran came whenever he could. Every visit was appreciated profoundly, given they were very rare. But he had his own life to live. Life got in the way of things, schedules were full, everyone had stuff to do but we made time. If you wanted to, you could.