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43- August

It had been a month, we were in August now. It was weird. I didn't ever think in a million years that my life would end up the way that it was.
Things had changed.
I had changed.

Hogwarts was destroyed, the Castle absolutely demolished. It was getting fixed, slowly but everyone knew that it would never be the same again, not for a very long time.
There was too much loss, too much hurt that haunted the corridors. Ghosts of children, a reminder of what had happened that day.
It didn't matter if it was getting fixed, no one would forget the blood that spilled on those grounds.

Everything had changed.

Half of my family was dead, the other half imprisoned. My parents were in Azkaban and I'd never have to see them again.
Not that I ever wanted to, or I could.
I was a blood traitor, my name was finally burned off the tree.

So was Draco.

His father was in Azkaban too. His mother still lived at the manor and she would mourn the loss of both her husband and her son.

It was weird, leaving Hogwarts.

We weren't ready to go, none of us, we all still felt like kids. The Wizarding World as a whole was a shambles, everyone was lost and trying to just keep it together. The after effects of the war had ruined us all. I always thought that once I had graduated Hogwarts I would work at the Ministry but there was nothing forcing me there anymore.

I could do whatever I wanted.

Despite being a blood traitor, my last name was still Avery and I was the last grandchild.
Well, except for Kayla, but I had no idea who she even was or if she was even alive.
So I inherited everything.
With my parents locked up, there was nothing that was stopping me, I could be whatever I wanted to be.

I was 18 and absolutely loaded which probably wasn't a good idea for me to have so much money because I didn't know what to do with it all.

The first thing Draco had done was buy an apartment.He said that he couldn't face his mother and he couldn't stay at the Manor.
Blaise still lived at home, and I.. I took Sirius up on his offer.

I could have bought my own apartment, like Draco but truthfully, I didn't think I could have been alone. Draco had offered me to stay with him, but I stuck with Sirius, knowing that if me and Draco ever lived together it would ruin our friendship.

I had been trying to deal with everything.
We all were.

And I feared that if I was left by myself I'd think about everything all the time and I'd break down and lose it.

I had nightmares every single night.
Some of Dumbledore, some of Layla, some of killing Greyback and seeing Lavender.
Sometimes they'd be from before the war.
But those happened every time I started to think about my parents in Azkaban.
A small part of me would feel guilty, and subconsciously I'd dream of them, dream of the Cruciatus.

I'd dream of Felix clutching River's body, dream of all the times I had bickered with Seamus and I wished I had told him that I didn't mean of the things that I said, that I was only joking.

I'd dream of Cho in charms and Cedric at quidditch parties and I'd wake with the sinking realisation that they were all gone.

I'd dream of Nadir, first both of us as children, playing, then we'd grow up and we'd drift apart, but the love was still there, then I'd remember the last conversation I ever had with him and his lifeless body on the floor.

I'd dream of Dolohov.
His hands shoved down my skirt, his grip on my chest, his lips on my ear.
I'd remember that he was dead that my father had killed him.