Back to 505

50- Paranoia

"Did you apparate?"

"Nah, walked it."

"You live almost an hour away?"

"Fancied a walk... to clear my head you know?"

"Scotch?"

"Yeah alright."

There was an awkward silence and we both spoke at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

I stopped to let him speak first.

"I was jealous."

Jealous?

"Jealous of what? Of Re.."

"Of how your life was moving on. Of how Blaise's life was moving on. How I was the only one who was miserable and.. lonely."

I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut, sipping the drink, hoping it'd help.

"I'm sorry, I'm a bad friend I know, I should have realised, I was just so absorbed in my all own..."

"No you were right, I wasn't there for you after the war. I was too busy thinking about myself and.. I didn't know what to tell you.. I've got all this guilt.. just there and I don't know what to do with it."

No one spoke for a few minutes and he sat down next to me, drink the scotch and sighing, seemingly taking the edge off for him. Part of me was jealous that it worked for him, because it was never enough for me.

"So we're good?" I asked looking at him and he nodded, smiling slightly.

"How's things with Remus?"

"Merlin you don't even want to know."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"You know... never mind.. I don't know."

"Go on."

"Sometimes I wonder why we're together. It's like we're two entirely different people and we just clash. You know what he said to me before I came here.. he said 'sometimes I don't recognise you' and sometimes, honestly? I feel the same, it's like he just doesn't get it and it sounds horrible to say out loud but sometimes I really think, 'what the fuck am I doing with you?' You know?"

"Too different I suppose." He muttered and I nodded.

"Am I trying to be someo... Am I.. . I don't know.. I think I'm just being paranoid.. it's probably because I'm.. never mind." I said quickly backtracking when I realised I was about to slip up.

"Because you're using again?" He asked casually, sipping his drink and my heart dropped at his accusation, terrified that someone had finally clocked me.

"What? No, I've been sober for what? Almost a yea.."

"I've known you since we were 11 Avery... and you've said 'you know' about four times." He said chuckling, shaking his head.

There was no point in hiding it now. I should have known better. Draco was an observant person, he had a knack for picking up things other people would miss, and he was right, we knew each other like the back of our hands.

"Got it under control this time." I told him and he nodded slowly, looking at his glass.

"Don't tell Blaise."

"Alright."

There was silence again and I leaned back on his sofa, relaxing as I carried on drinking the scotch. He craned his head around to look at me.