I'm No Good At Goodbyes

Chapter 42

I ended up grabbing the remote attached to the bed as I started flicking through the channels on the TV. Not having many options for mid morning I settled on a marathon of Impractical Jokers. I moved myself just slightly next to Sierra, her body stirring as she clutched on to me tighter, a small chuckle leaving my lips. "I'm not going anywhere baby girl" I whispered to her placing a kiss on the top of her head. I shimmied myself so my left arm was rested behind my head, my right arm wrapped loosely underneath the tubes and wires that were coming from her as I slowly and softly rubbed the skin on her arm.

Although the guys were causing some kind of ruckus in a park in New York, the sound was really just white noise as the thoughts inside my head were consuming much of my attention. Things were going to be different from here on out, Sierra needed me now more than she ever has before, and now was the time for me to prove to her that not only was I ready to settle down with her, but that I was also more than ready to be Trevor's Dad.

I've never wanted to hurt Sierra, all I wanted to do was love her like she should've been loved all those years ago. I'd like to say that I did a relatively good job, patiently waiting as I gave her a chance to realize that I wasn't Zach and treating her with the respect that she deserved and in the process our love grew into something like neither of us have ever experienced. Shit, our love for each other was so strong that neither one of us could even dream about moving on when she made the decision to walk away from me that afternoon.

I knew that this was real and that she was the girl for me when she came back to me and we picked up like we never were apart, the only inclination would be to hear Trevor talk about how much he missed me, otherwise the chemistry between Sierra and I was so strong you wouldn't even know we passed through a huge crater before we came out to the green grass on the other side.

I don't know why I did what I did with Melo, but I'm heavily inclined to believe that beer, weed and a few members from my team were heavily involved in the outcome. No, they didn't twist my arm to make me do what I did, that part was clearly on my own volition, but getting me there was surely heavily influenced. Her showing up at our house that night only made it apparent to me that her actions needed no influence as her attraction to me was real, and for me it wasn't. The guilt inside of me was so deep that you needed tall boots just to make your way through it. Guilt for hurting Sierra and making her run away resulting in her laying here in the hospital bed, and yes even guilt for Melo for acting the way I did leading her on and making her believe that I had the same feelings for her that she had for me.

I will admit that I had changed a little after Sierra left, falling into old habits that I didn't do when I was with her out of respect for her and for Trevor, but that isn't an excuse either. They were easy to break the first time so they should be that much easier to break the second time. After thinking about it for what felt like hours, I finally decided that there was no legitimate reason for me doing what I did. I did it and there was no taking it back, and all I could do from this point on was make it up to her and Trevor and be the best boyfriend I hoped that I could be.

Taking a deep breath, I rested my head delicately against the bandages of hers, trying hard not to hurt her as I felt my eyes start to flutter closed, only to be drug out of my sudden bought of sleep with my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out slowly seeing that it was Jodie as I hit the accept button. "Hi Ausin!" Trevor's excited voice said as it danced through the speaker.

"Hey buddy, how are you? Are you being a good boy?" I asked with a smile as I pulled Sierra closer to me, hoping that the closeness would make up for the fact that she was missing out on hearing our sons voice radiating happily through the speakers.

"Yes Ausin. We are going to go to the park!" Trevor said happily, Jodie and my Dad's laughter heard in the background as I imagined he was jumping up and down with excitement at this great news.