I'm No Good At Goodbyes

Chapter 33

I paused for a minute looking up at him, his arms were folded across his chest and his eyebrows were raised as he patiently waited for me to answer. I took a few more minutes to think about how I wanted to say what I was about to say to him. I ran my hands over my face before bringing them up to rest on either side of my head.

"Dad I made a mistake" I said looking down at the table.

"With whom?" he asked me, his voice taking on a very worried tone.

"Melo, but the part that worries me is that I didn't even think of it as a mistake at the time" I said, my blue eyes cutting up to meet his.

"Yeah I guess that would worry me too" he said letting out a long sigh.

"I can honestly say that I wanted nothing to do with that girl when she first showed up. I was all over Sierra like a fucking wet suit trying to get the point across to Melo that I had a girlfriend and that I am extremely happy. I told Dre and her that I was doing this for business only and that nothing else was going to happen" I said to him.

"Okay, so when did this all change?" he asked finishing off his coffee.

"Once everyone got there and we all started drinking and shit. I got caught up in the whole feeling like a rock star moment thinking that I could have any girl that I want and there would never be any repercussions because there never are. Sierra wasn't there and it felt like it did a year ago when I didn't have her and whoever I was with just didn't matter because I never really loved them like I do Sierra" I said trying hard to let him know I was speaking the truth.

"So your head told you it was fine, Sierra wasn't here it was like old times and it wouldn't matter if you did something with Melo or not" my Dad said sounding skeptical.

"Pretty much yes. Dad I know your not going to believe it, fuck I don't think anyone would believe it if they weren't in my situation, but its hard getting back into how things were. She was gone from me for so long. This isn't the first time I made a mistake since she's been back" I said sadly, feeling like shit that even though my heart picked right up where we left off, my mind couldn't seem to be in the same place.

"What do you mean? Austin after all this girl went through how could you do this to her?" my Dad asked annoyed.

"I don't mean to Dad I fucking promise. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt her. She's such an amazing, kind, funny, loving, caring, beautiful, sexy woman and I want nothing more than to be with her forever, I just need to be used to her being back" I said quietly, fiddling with the rolled silverware laying on the table.

"Let me have a minute to register that so I can really think if that's a load of bullshit or the honest truth. In the mean time, what exactly did you do Austin?" he asked as the waitress poured him another steaming cup of coffee.

"The first time was during the podcast with Joe. That was supposed to be a weekend event but I came home that night instead, and I'm fucking so happy I did for many reasons" I said with a smile on my face remembering the amazing night we had.

"What did you do that day?" he asked me.

"We got there and I had my hook up in LA drop off some shrooms. We only did a few microdoses but I should've fucking known better. I know how SiSi feels about that shit, especially with Trevor. But in my head I thought, it's fine I'm in LA she's in Cottonwood with Trev it'll wear off when I get home and everything will be fine. But she found out, and not surprising since I fucking admitted it to everyone like it was fucking nothing" I said slowly looking up at him.

"And?" he asked.

"She was mad at me I know she was, but somehow she just accepted it and said Trev wasn't around and she understands that I wasn't really acting different and she gets they weren't around for a while" I said.