I'm No Good At Goodbyes

chapter 31

I threw my phone down on the island in the kitchen before walking over towards the drawer that held most of the keys for all of my cars. I grabbed a set, quickly looking to see that they were for my Rolls as I started to head for my garage.

"Austin, what are you even doing" I heard Louis yelling after me as he came running up to me.

"Leave me the fuck alone man" I said grabbing the door knob to my garage door.

"The fuck I will Austin. I am not letting you leave this fucking house like this. The press will have a fucking field day if they find out you left drunk and high" he said grabbing me by the arm and pulling me back into the kitchen pushing me down into the stool at the island.

"I can't fucking sit here Lou, I'm going to fucking lose her all because I'm a fucking idiot. I should've seen this fucking coming" I said hitting my fist against the hard countertop.

"And what exactly would you say to her right now Austin?" he said looking at me with his arms crossed.

"Anything, anything I need to get her back. I can't believe Dre fucking did this to me" I said putting my head in my hands.

I heard Louis let out a long sigh, picking my head up I saw him rub his hands over his face before he stood in front of me.

"You know that I think Dre is an asshole sometimes, but he had nothing to do with this this time man. He didn't tell you two to kiss each other, he didn't tell you guys to get all cozy. You let it happen man" he said to me.

Hearing his words made my heart stop beating. He was right, I was trying to blame this on someone else because I didn't want to think that this could have been solely my fault, but it was. I gave her the wrong idea and I never stopped her advances on me all night. Drinking and smoking isn't even a good excuse.

"I may have just fucked up my whole life. What the fuck is wrong with me" I said putting my forehead on my palms.

"You've been away from her for so long Austin" Louis said.

"That's no excuse she is back now. I love her Louis. She is everything to me. I was so lost without her when she was gone and I wanted nothing more than to have her back and now that she's back I go and fucking do this" I said looking up at him.

"What did she say to you?" he asked me, sliding my phone over towards me.

"That she isn't coming home until I can explain to her what she is seeing in those photos. How she is upset with me and thinks that what we have is just one sided. And that she wasn't going to put her and her son through this. We just got to the point of him calling me Dad. Fuck I really fucked this up but maybe she didn't mean that. She is just super hurt" I said trying to convince myself that was surely the case.

"Austin, look at me" he said, my eyes drifting up to him.

"Do you love her Austin, really? Or do you love the normalcy that you have with her" Louis asked me, giving me the look my Dad had always given me when he was looking for me to be truthful to him.

"I love it all man. I fucking asked her to have my kid Louis, I want nothing more then to have a family with her and to have a baby of our own and a brother or sister for Trevor. I want her to be my wife one day, I don't want to lose her. She is like my other fucking half and right now I feel like I ripped out my soul" I said.

"Can you keep your shit together if you go to her?" he asked me.

"Probably not but I'm going to try" I said.

"Where is she?" Louis asked.

"I don't know, she was out with Jodie all day I thought she would be home by now" I said, realizing I didn't even text her at all today to see how her day was going.