best of me | woosan (✓)

- thirty seven -

tw / self harm & suicide attempt

san and wooyoung laid comfortably on the couch, the older playing with wooyoung's hair as they watched a movie. things were quiet, calm, and most importantly, felt right. the two had officially been a couple for a month now, and things were looking up for them. san was a lot more consistent and comfortable with taking his pills, making progress in therapy, and hadn't been stressing nearly as much over school. he tried to credit wooyoung as the reason for things going so well, however, the younger wouldn't let him discredit himself.

"i'm hungry, wanna go get lunch?" wooyoung asked, almost whining.

san chuckled and kissed the boy's temple, nodding.

"the diner?"

"you read my mind," wooyoung smiled.

the diner had become a common date spot for the boys. since their first time visiting together, things had changed so much, and they were very grateful.

the two got up and went to their room, quickly freshening up and grabbing their shoes before heading out. it wasn't a long walk to get to the diner, just long enough for them to do positives.

"since it's the weekend, two positives. go," wooyoung challenged.

"alright, well.. the first one is definitely that i'm excited about getting food at the diner with you, bub."

wooyoung laughed and nodded.

"i'll allow it."

"second... i didn't tell you this yesterday because i was actually saving it for positives... my therapist said that i'm making really good progress... and that made me really proud of myself."

"sannie, oh my god! i'm so proud of you!"

wooyoung quickly pulled san into a hug, holding onto the boy tightly as they began to sway slightly.

"that means a lot to me, woo... i really hope you know that."

"i love you so much, san... you never fail to make me proud."

"i love you..."

the two leaned in for a kiss, when suddenly, wooyoung's phone started ringing. the sound startled both boys, causing them to jump apart a bit, then wooyoung looked and saw it was seonghwa.

"hwa never calls... he only ever texts..."

"maybe it's an emergency?"

wooyoung nodded and quickly answered the phone, grabbing san's hand.

"hello?"

"w-wooyoung... o-oh my g-god..."

"seonghwa... hwa, what happened? why are you crying?"

"i-it's h-hongjoong... h-h-he—" seonghwa broke down, hyperventilating as his sobs grew louder.

"hwa... deep breaths, it's okay... in and out, you've got this..." wooyoung said softly, beginning to squeeze san's hand tightly.

"what's going on?" san whispered.

"we need to get to the train station..." wooyoung muttered into san's ear before returning his attention to calming seonghwa down.

san nodded and the two began to speed-walk in the direction of the station.

"a-are you s-still there?"

"i'm here, don't worry... what happened? what's wrong?"

"j-joongie... h-he tried t-to k-kill himself..."

"oh my god..."

"i-i f-found h-him... h-hanging... h-he was barely breathing w-when i-i—"

"it's okay, hwa... you're okay. did you call for an ambulance?"

"y-yes... h-he's at the h-hospital, i-i just... i-i can't go a-alone..."

"san and i are on our way, everything's going to be okay... do you want me to call one of the guys to come sit with you until we get there?"

"n-no... j-just... c-can you stay on the phone?"

"i'll try, but my phone might die..."

"t-that's okay... i-i just needed it to be you and san..."

"i understand, don't worry about it."

"h-he relapsed a c-couple days ago... i-i caught him and he stayed in my room that n-night... h-he swore he'd be o-okay staying in his room a-alone... i-i s-shouldn't have believed him..."

"this isn't your fault, hwa... believe me... hey, i'm gonna hang up for just a minute and tell san what's going on, i don't want you to hear it again after having to tell me, that's already really hard. is that okay?"

"y-yes... i-i'll be okay for a c-couple minutes.."

"already, i'll call you in a few..."

wooyoung hung up the phone and sighed, looking at san with tear-filled eyes and shaking his head.

"it's bad..."

"what happened?"

"joongie... h-he relapsed a couple days ago... and he attempted again today... seonghwa found him and called an ambulance, he's in his room now waiting for us so we can all go to the hospital."

"oh my god... fuck, i bet he stopped taking his meds again..."

"what do you mean?"

"sometimes when joongie starts to do really well, he doesn't want to take his pills. if he's off them for too long, sometimes he goes into such a dark place that the smallest thing will set him off and he'll relapse, or worse, he'll attempt. i've known him for nine years, i've been around for all the attempts. he's attempted once before when he tried to stop taking his pills... it was really bad..." san explained, starting to get anxious and shake slightly.

"we don't have to talk about it, love... seonghwa and joongie need us, let's focus on getting to them. i need to call seonghwa back, let's try to keep him calm, yeah?"

san nodded, gripping tightly onto wooyoung's hand as the younger called seonghwa again.

"hwa? you there?"

"y-yeah... woo?"

"go ahead, i'm listening..."

"s-should i t-try to go by m-myself?"

"do you think you'll be able to do it?"

"i-i don't know... i-i just... i-i don't want joongie to wake up alone..." seonghwa whimpered.

"i'm gonna put you on speaker, yeah? san's input might help..."

wooyoung put the phone on speaker and gave san's hand a small squeeze, smiling over at him.

"hey seonghwa..." san greeted softly.

"h-hi..."

"i know you have something to ask me, at least from the sounds of it, but i need to tell you something first. this isn't your fault, hwa. it's not your fault in the slightest. i hope you know that..."

"i-i n-needed to hear t-that... thank you..."

"of course... i've been in your position before, i know how easy it is to blame yourself. what did you want to ask me?"

"s-should i go? b-before you guys g-get here? i-i don't want h-him to wake up a-alone..."

"he won't be awake for a few hours, maybe even a couple of days... only go if you're ready, okay?"

"o-okay..."

"i'll see you soon, hwa. everything's gonna be okay, i promise..."

-
lil qotd since i'm bored: what is your all time favorite ateez song?
mine's either sunrise or thank u, both are very comforting to me & just make me smile