best of me | woosan (✓)

- fifty four -

tw / mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts

after their visit to the cemetery, san dragged wooyoung to the diner, where they ate happily and then discussed a plan for the rest of their day. it was only on their way home that san decided he should tell wooyoung about what happened when all the guys were over.

"woo?"

"yeah, sannie?"

"i-i almost slipped. the other night?"

wooyoung stopped in his place for a moment and frowned lightly, squeezing san's hand tight.

"how? what happened, love?"

"i woke up around maybe two or three? i needed to use the bathroom. i looked around and everyone was there but joongie. i went looking for him upstairs because i know sometimes he just needs space, but i was worried since hwa told me he hasn't been doing well recently. i heard him crying in the bathroom and immediately knew something was wrong."

"did he...?"

"yeah... he did. but it was bad, woo. three years ago something similar happened... joongie was in a really bad state and i came over to help him one night, a-and he asked me to help him kill himself. he did the same thing the other night and my fucking god... it was so hard to see him like that. i started to help him clean up, and something about the whole thing just flipped a switch and made me want to go at it again.. i-i didn't though. i got him cleaned up and rushed him out of there so i couldn't give in. we talked in my room for a bit and i yelled at him a little because i was just so frustrated with myself and i—"

san was cut off by wooyoung's lips colliding with his own, calming the boy down.

"everything's okay," wooyoung whispered softly as the two pulled apart, stroking san's hair. "let's go home, we can finish talking there."

san nodded and the two finished their walk home in silence, simply enjoying the company of one another.

when they arrived home, san ran upstairs, wooyoung following close behind. san had forgotten to take his pills that morning and since wooyoung hadn't been doing his best in the morning, he had forgotten to remind him.

thinking about what happened with hongjoong that night made san extremely anxious, so much that he had rushed to the bathroom and started throwing up. wooyoung had only ever seen san get anxious enough to throw up a few times, which only increased his worries.

wooyoung sat down next to where san kneeled, rubbing the boy's back and grabbing his hand as he began to hyperventilate.

"sannie... try to match my breathing, hyperventilating will only make it worse..."

san's stomach was now running empty, and stomach acid began to burn the boy's throat. san wanted this to stop, he couldn't handle it for much longer. throwing up was not only making his anxiety worse, but it was causing him extreme levels of stress as well.

"i'll be right back, sannie. i'm gonna go get you some water," wooyoung explained, a bit hesitant to leave the boy's side.

san nodded as he leaned back a bit, only to have to lean forward again seconds later.

wooyoung made his way downstairs and grabbed a couple of water bottles for san, expecting the boy to be extremely thirsty after throwing up so much. he made his way back upstairs to find san rocking back and forth, trying to even out his breathing as he had finally stopped throwing up.

"drink," wooyoung ordered, handing san one of the water bottles.

"w-what if it comes right back up?"

"that's okay, sannie. if it does, just take a break and then try again."

san nodded slightly, sipping slowly at the water. he grimaced slightly, disliking the taste in his mouth, but continued to drink the water until the bottle was half gone.

"take a break, sannie. you don't wanna drink it too fast, yeah? you'll definitely throw up again if you do that."

san took a deep breath and gripped onto wooyoung's hand, sighing shakily.

"we forgot about your pills this morning, huh?" wooyoung asked.

san nodded, chewing at his lip.

"you've been doing really well today considering you didn't take them. i'm proud of you, san."

"r-really?"

wooyoung nodded, a small smile on his face. this caused a light smile on san's face as well, causing him to start relaxing.

"how are you feeling, sannie?"

"tired... very tired."

"let's get you a small snack, then you can take your meds, and maybe take a nap. sound good?"

"mhmm.." san nodded, crawling over to wooyoung and kissing his cheek. "thank you, woo."

"you don't need to thank me, love. i love taking care of you and showing you love and just being with you all the time.."

"you're the best, bub. you know that?"

"i do now," wooyoung laughed. "c'mon now, let's get you a snack."

the two boys made their way downstairs, where wooyoung went into the pantry and grabbed san a snack.

before wooyoung could do anything else, san stopped him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, only stopping to catch his breath.

"you are my everything, woo."