best of me | woosan (✓)

- fourty three -

tw / self harm

things only grew harder for san as the days went on. he didn't know how to cope. he was so used to turning to self harm every time that something went wrong that not doing so was not only difficult, but it made everything feel worse.

wooyoung knew this, too. he knew that not relapsing was going to be extremely difficult for san. he stayed by his side every moment, staying up later and waking up earlier to ensure the older boy's safety. he hid his own exhaustion and emotions all to help san and focus on him, but what he didn't realize was that san saw him beginning to break.

"woo... when's the last time you actually got a good night's sleep?" san asked worriedly.

"last night," wooyoung lied.

"you're a terrible liar, you know that?"

"i'm not lying, san," he snapped.

"wooyoung..."

"i'm fine, san."

"no... you're not. i know you, this is not my wooyoung. you're not acting like you. what's going on, bub?"

wooyoung sighed and shook his head, beginning to feel tears build up in his eyes.

"woo... hey, baby... talk to me, what's going on?" san cooed, cupping wooyoung's cheeks.

"i just want you to be okay..." wooyoung whispered. "i-i don't want to lose you..."

san pulled wooyoung into a tight hug, feeling tears build up in his own eyes.

"you aren't going to lose me, love... i'm going to be okay, i promise. i have you, remember?"

"b-but what if i'm not enough to save you?"

"you've saved me more times than you know already... you're always going to be more than enough. just the thought of you keeps me holding on."

"y-you mean that?"

"why would i lie about you saving me? just ask joongie, i've told him all about it."

"y-you have?"

san nodded and kissed wooyoung's forehead gently.

"i have. and honestly, you're the only thing keeping me clean right now. i-i keep having these overwhelming urges to go and hurt myself, but then i look over and see you and everything feels a bit easier to handle.

"i woke up last night and i wanted to go do it, but i opened my eyes and saw you still awake, on your phone... it was almost three, woo. i know you've been staying up to make sure i'm okay, but i need you to do me a favor, okay? i need you to stop doing that and trust me when i say your presence is enough to stop me."

"what if it isn't one day?"

"shh... don't start with the what if scenarios, yeah? you've got the best of me, i'm going nowhere."

"pinky promise?" wooyoung asked with doe eyes.

"pinky promise," san whispered, linking their pinkies together. "but i need you to promise me something too."

"yeah?"

"stop trying to hide your own emotions to focus on me. i know you're doing that..."

"b-but—"

"no but's, woo. i know there's been something heavy on your mind, just tell me what it is."

"i-its been six months, san. six months since my sister died... i-it still doesn't feel real... nothing feels right about this."