best of me | woosan (✓)

- eighty one -

tw / mentions of murder, self harm, suicide & suicidal thoughts

the next morning, san woke up early, wanting to check on seonghwa and hongjoong and see if they wanted to go on the double date that seonghwa had mentioned the night prior. he knocked softly on their bedroom door, hongjoong quickly making his way over and opening it.

"san... hi," he greeted softly.

"hey... how are you doing?"

"better... hwa and i had a pretty long talk last night that made me feel better..."

"do you guys wanna go on that double date? hwa had mentioned it to us last night..."

"um... well, we had planned on going for lunch or something but i don't know if i want to go to a restaurant right now... uh, c-can we do something else?"

"of course we can joong. just let me know, yeah?"

"wait... can we talk?"

"of course... let's go out to the balcony, is that alright?"

"i should be okay, yeah... but you know, if i start to talk bad or anything, get me inside..."

"i know the drill. i've only been your best friend for almost a decade," san chuckled lightly, smiling small.

hongjoong smiled and left his room, quietly closing the door and following san outside.

"you really have been there for me through it all... i'm extremely grateful for that. i wouldn't have made it this far if you hadn't been there."

"i'm glad you did... things are finally beginning to get easier. or i think so, at least."

"it's been a really hard week for me, san..."

"i know... mama's death anniversary is coming up soon, isn't it?"

hongjoong whimpered and nodded, looking away.

"i miss her a lot, joong. she was more of a mother to me than my actual mother was."

"she loved you like her own... i remember the first time i brought you to my house, she was so happy that i had finally brought a friend home. i think she had been worried that i wasn't making any friends..."

"you need to tell hwa..."

"i-i can't, san... every time i try to talk about that day... every time i try to talk about the weeks following... i-i have a panic attack and then start to spiral... i lose control."

"he needs to hear it from you. i can't tell him, okay? if you need me there, if you need me to help... i'll be there, but i can't tell him."

"i-i want to tell him today... woo can hear too."

"woo knows a little already... not much, though. just how mama's death affected me."

"d-does he know about my dad?"

"i didn't tell him that, no... i have trouble thinking about that myself, e-especially since i was there when you found him."

hongjoong grabbed san's hand and squeezed it tightly, wondering how things would be different if none of this had happened.

"i love you, joong. you know that, right?"

"i love you too, san... you're the greatest friend i ever could've asked for."

"let's go inside, yeah? you're shaking..."

hongjoong nodded, beginning to feel the pressure of his past. san helped him up and guided him inside, then walked the older to his room, realizing he was beginning to lose control and needed seonghwa badly.