best of me | woosan (✓)

- sixty five -

tw / mentions about seeing a dead body, suicide

once seonghwa arrived, the four ate in silence, then wooyoung went upstairs, claiming he was tired and needed a nap. san was wary of this, but agreed anyways, hoping he was just overthinking.

while wooyoung was upstairs, san helped hongjoong and seonghwa with some cleaning, the boy hopeful that this would motivate him to stay on track. it wasn't long before he started to get anxious though, worried about wooyoung.

"i'll go check on him, san. you stay here with joongie, yeah?" seonghwa insisted.

san nodded, allowing the older to head upstairs.

seonghwa knocked on the door, cracking it open when he didn't hear a response. it was then that he heard sniffles, moving into the room and closing the door behind him.

"woo? what's wrong?"

"i miss ji... it's just... i-it's all been hitting me a little more recently. she's gone, hwa... i-i'm never going to hear her laugh again. no more hugs or smiles, nothing. it hurts so bad..."

"woo... oh, i'm so sorry... i know this has been really tough for you. she's in a better place now though... she's at peace now."

"d-did i ever tell you about when the police came to our door?"

"no... what happened?"

"i-i answered the door. they asked if this was jung jisu's residence, and the second they did, i knew she was gone. i assumed she had done it herself, y'know? b-but i was wrong...

"they sat my parents and i down after that, then told us there was an accident. they said they found ji's phone and her purse with identification, but asked for us to id the body just to be sure. t-they showed us a picture... i-i almost puked. i didn't want it to be her, i wanted it to be a mistake.

"her chest was bloody. that's all i can remember. i couldn't sit there after that. i got up and paced around the kitchen, just hoping our parents would come in and say it wasn't her. that i was seeing things. i-i wanted her to come home while they were there and laugh. say it was a joke."

"oh my god... woo, have you told san?"

the boy nodded, taking a shaky breath.

"we talked about it after therapy one day."

"good... i'm glad. and i'm grateful you told me, yeah? it helps me understand how i can best support you."

wooyoung didn't respond, instead sighing and resting his head on the boy's shoulder.

"i'm just so over feeling this way, hwa... i want it all to end."

"i know... but what you're feeling is completely valid, yeah? we may not all understand the feeling of grieving the loss of a sibling, but we all understand grief to some extent. and most importantly, we know that not everyone grieves the same way."

wooyoung let out a soft hum, cuddling into seonghwa's side a bit.

"san had a feeling you weren't actually coming up here for a nap... he started to get anxious, so i told him i would check on you so he could focus on cleaning with joongie."

"i-i'm sorry..."

"woo... you're okay, there's nothing to be sorry for. i wouldn't have offered to come up here if i didn't want to check on you myself."

wooyoung gave a nod, looking at the ground.

"i just got overwhelmed... i needed space for a little bit so i wouldn't let my feelings out the wrong way. i-i know i usually do well, a-and i'm not mean or anything, but i always worry that things will come out wrong and sound mean when i'm feeling this way."

"i get it, woo. part of you is angry that she's gone, so it's understandable."

"h-how'd you know i was angry about her death?"

seonghwa shrugged, then looked at wooyoung.

"you're easier to read than you'd think, especially when i've known you for so many years."

"i'm glad you can... especially when it can be hard for me to really talk about how i'm feeling."

seonghwa nodded, then the two sat in silence for a couple of minutes before the older said anything again.

"wanna head downstairs with me or do you want to stay up here and continue to take some space for yourself?"

"i'm going to stay up here for a little bit. can you tell san i said thank you and that i'm not completely okay right now, but i want some space to be alone? i don't want him to worry..."

"of course, woo. and if he tries to come up here anyways?"

"it's fine... i'd prefer if he didn't right now, i-i really feel like i'll lash out on accident, but i know he has needs too. sometimes when he's anxious he just needs to be next to me."

"okay," seonghwa whispered. "try and rest while you're up here, you deserve it. i'll see you in a bit when you're feeling a little better."

"thank you, hwa... really."

with that, seonghwa smiled and got up, making his way out of the room and waving to the boy on his way out. he got downstairs to san sitting at the counter, his face a bit red as he took sips of water with shaking hands, hongjoong sitting beside the boy and watching him carefully.

"he's okay, san. he just needs some alone time right now. he told me he misses jisu a little extra right now, that's all it is."

"b-but— hwa, w-what if—"

"san, let him finish. try to take deep breaths, yeah?" hongjoong said softly.

"i know him... when he needs alone time, he needs alone time. it doesn't happen often, san... usually he doesn't mind or even prefers to have somebody with him. if he's asking to be alone, he needs it.

"he told me he feels like he's going to lash out if he's pushed too much, y'know? the grief is getting to him in a different way than we're all used to today. he'll be okay though."

"w-what if i need him?" san whispered.

"then you tell him, yeah? text him, tell him what's going on in your head and how you need him. it'll be okay, san."

the younger nodded, chewing his lip and continuing to try and relax a bit. hongjoong silently thanked seonghwa as the two made eye contact, then the older sat down beside the two.

"hwa?"

"yeah, san?"

"thank you... for checking on him."

"anything for you two. always."