All I Have Is All You Gave To Me [Young!Aizawa x Reader]

73 Song To Say Goodbye - Placebo

Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those,
Blessed with lucky sevens

After that, time seemed to both fly and spread into eternity simultaneously. Everything around us seemed to happen really fast and we were all trying to hold onto things frantically that reminded us of Oboro, but all the stuff that should have been really important to us - the funeral, a memorial at the school, Oboro's parents visiting - it all just seemed to pass by so quickly.

I'm not sure about Shouta, Nemuri and Hizashi, but I could barely remember the funeral at all. I could barely remember anything, all I could remember was feeling numb and just simply... functioning. Functioning, because Shouta needed me to function, because he was doing way worse than all of us.

The three of us - Hizashi, Shouta and me - had been excused from school for about a week after the incident and we were sent to the school counsellor, but it just wasn't really doing anything. At least for me.

I doubted it was helping Shouta much as well. At least not right now, because it was all just still way too fresh. I still woke up and checked my phone to see if Oboro had texted me something about Nemuri or about some homework he didn't get, and it always took me a while to remember that he was dead. That he was actually dead. That this was a real thing that had happened.

And I wanted to cry every time it happened to me, but I forced myself to pull through until I could be on my own for a while. I was trying to be around Shouta as much as possible and so was Hizashi. I wasn't really sure whether all this time together was actually bringing us closer together or if it just made things more difficult, because we were always reminded of Oboro missing.

It had always been the four of us, ever since the beginning of first year. How were we even supposed to go through another year and a half without him? It didn't make sense. Oboro was almost like a mum to us all. He always made sure we were okay, he always made sure we were happy and he always looked out for us. With him gone, it was like we all had no idea how to take care of ourselves.

And it really showed that we didn't know that. It was most obvious with Hizashi, probably because he wasn't exactly shy when it came to showing his feelings. When we had to return to class he would just burst into tears in the middle of class sometimes. Other days he'd be over-the-top happy, play the class clown and joke around, as if he was somehow trying to make it better like that.

Nemuri seemed to be coping well, but there were a lot of times when she would call me in the middle of the night, crying. I had no idea why she came to me of all people, because I wasn't doing much better than her, but maybe seeing that she wasn't the only one suffering was enough to make her feel better.

But Shouta... I had no idea what was happening to Shouta. He had barely been talking to anyone at all, he had been isolating himself, even though we tried to be around him most of the time.

I had no idea how to reach him, none of us did. We had been prepared for all kinds of terrible situations at UA, but never for something like this. We hadn't been prepared for one of our closest friends dying way too young. We hadn't even thought that things like that actually happened. Of course we knew they could happen, but we never thought it would happen to us. Or that it would happen this soon. And we had no idea how to try and get over this.

Sure, it had only been two weeks now, but it still felt like everything had happened yesterday. And we were still just as worried about Shouta. He wasn't eating a lot, he didn't seem to be sleeping well, he barely managed to take care of himself. And we all wanted to help him somehow, but we could barely manage to stay afloat ourselves. And maybe that's how it all came this far.

"I don't know what to do about him. He hasn't had breakfast this morning and now he's barely eating any lunch." Hizashi told me quietly. We were sitting on the rooftop to have our lunch, as usual. But it wasn't the same without Oboro. Every time we came up here it just made it all the more obvious that something - someone - was missing. I had no idea why we even still did it, it just felt like it made everything worse. But we just kept coming back here, like idiots.

"I don't know, either. This is killing me, Hizashi." I mumbled, watching Shouta picking his food, looking like he was completely lost in thought. He was sitting a little away from us, and I wasn't even sure whether he wanted to be left alone or whether he wanted us to make an effort to include him.

"I can't believe that the school thinks just giving him a week off and then sending him to the counsellor for a few sessions will be enough. I mean they have to be noticing that he's not doing okay, right?" Hizashi whispered. I honestly felt bad that we were talking about him behind his back like that, but it wasn't like talking to him did much good. Whenever we tried, it just felt like nothing got through to him.

"I don't know. Maybe they don't really care. Maybe they don't have any experience with this kind of situation. Maybe they really don't see that he's not doing well. I don't know, I really don't. But I doubt we can count on the school to do something about this, they seem to be busy with everything else." I replied with a sigh and looked back at Shouta, who had pushed his food away from him now.

"Hey Shou, are you not hungry?" I asked him and moved closer to him, trying to make some sort of conversation. He just shook his head and looked at the remaining food with disgust in his eyes.

"Are you sure? You've barely touched it and you need to eat for training later on." I said. He just sighed.

"I don't care. I don't want any food." he muttered and brushed a few strands of black hair out of his face. He looked incredibly tired, dark eye bags under his eyes, his eyes looking small and reddened.

"But... Shou, you need to eat!" I protested. I could have slapped myself for how desperate I was sounding and Shouta looked like he was sorry for a second, but he soon went back to his indifferent expression and just shrugged, pushing the food away from himself a little more.

"Not hungry." he muttered again and looked at me. Something about it made me wince a little. He just looked like he wanted me to leave him alone already and it really hurt, because... because I needed him. I knew that he was still mourning and it would be difficult for him, but so was I. And this wasn't easy for me, either, but I couldn't stand how he was torturing himself through this.

"Shouta, please..." I begged him. He just shook his head and turned away from me. I looked back at Hizashi who looked just as lost as me. He shrugged at me, as if he didn't know what to do either.

"Shou, we're... we're going back to the classroom, okay? Do you want to come with us?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder. I gasped in surprise, as he swatted it away and glared at me.

"No. Can't you just leave me alone for five minutes? Is that too much to ask?" he growled. I had no idea what to say, all I was aware of was that my eyes were filling up with tears quickly.

"I-I'm sorry... see you later... I hope." I answered and went back to Hizashi, who gave me a concerned look.

"What the hell was that?" he asked me quietly. I just shook my head and looked up, trying not to burst into tears. In my head I knew that Shouta didn't mean it like that and that he was just grieving, but... damn it, it still hurt so fucking much. And it also made me scared that... without Oboro... our little friend group would break apart and I would be all on my own again. I didn't think I could deal with that.

"I-I don't know... l-let's just go, okay?" I said to Hizashi, as we headed to the door to get down from the rooftop. I couldn't believe that everything was falling apart like this within two weeks.