All I Have Is All You Gave To Me [Young!Aizawa x Reader]

78 The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

And if you don't love me now

You will never love me again

Things were really tense on the way home and even though I knew he didn't mean it like that, I also knew he'd never admit to it. Or maybe he did mean it like that. I wasn't as sure as I thought I could be anymore. After all, Shouta had changed a lot and I didn't know if he even...

No, I wasn't going to think about that. He did still love me. There was no way he didn't, right? He was just going through a rough time. I was going through a rough time. That's all there was to it, right? It happened and it would be passing again. It had to. Shouta and I had been together for such a long time now, I couldn't imagine not being with him. I couldn't imagine loving anyone else the same way I loved him.

But then, some days, when things were really bad, I caught myself wishing he'd just break up with me already, because all of this was just getting too much for me and I felt like I was in over my head and was drowning in my own problems and his problems on top of that, as well.

I hated thinking like that, it always made me feel like I was way too selfish and unsupportive and like I couldn't do anything right. I felt horrible for even thinking about leaving Shouta alone with this, but if I was being honest... all of this was literally breaking me. Once the nightmares about Oboro's death stopped, I started having nightmares about what might happen to Shouta.

And then I was feeling sorry for Hizashi, because Hizashi would be caught right in the middle if anything ever happened to our relationship. Well... something had happened, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. Things weren't going very well, that was all I knew. Especially after what just happened.

We didn't talk on the entire way home, until Hizashi said goodbye and went on his own way and we were still walking together. I assumed we'd both be walking back to my parents' house, since Shouta had actually been able to stay there more often lately. My parents were trying. He didn't make the best impression on anyone right now, but they were being very patient.

"You know, Hizashi and I are both worried about you." I said quietly, as soon as Hizashi was out of earshot. I wished I hadn't said it. I really, really wished I hadn't said that. Shouta rolled his eyes.

"There is no need to worry about me. I'm fine." he replied, not even looking at me. God, this was so frustrating.

"You're not fine, Shouta, stop saying you're fine. Look at you! You're tired, you're barely sleeping, you fall asleep in class and you keep training until late at night. Look at your hands, Shouta, that's not normal. That's not someone who's doing fine!" I said. This time Shouta looked at me, but his eyes were cold and distant. I hated when he got that look in his eyes.

"You worry too much. I'm fine. You should worry about yourself and not me." he replied coldly.

"Shouta, do you even hear yourself talking sometimes? You're not doing well and we're all worried about you. Shou, if you continue like that you'll ruin yourself and we all don't want that to happen. Please, Shou..." I begged him, knowing full well I was fighting a losing battle here.

"Just... can't you just leave me alone, F/N? I'm so sick of you and Hizashi constantly trying to take care of me. I can take care of myself, okay? I don't need you." he hissed angrily. I had expected something like this, I really had, but it still felt like he had just ripped out my heart.

"Shouta..."

"No, listen. You keep trying to tell me what to do and how to live my life and how to behave. I know you all think I went insane or something, because Oboro died. Well, maybe I did, but at least I care and don't just fucking move on, like everyone else around me. I'm trying really hard to get stronger and all you're doing is telling me I have to stop. Did you ever think that I'm doing this so I won't end up like Oboro? So something... something like that doesn't happen again, just because I'm too weak? No, all you think is that I'm being selfish or some bullshit!"

"Shouta, please... I get what you're trying to tell me, but it's just... it's just not healthy. You can't keep training more and more and more, just to forget about what happened to Oboro. And even so... you're being reckless! I just... I don't want to lose you, Shouta." I replied, tears welling up in my eyes. We had been fighting before, but it was usually some dumb shit, nothing big.

This was big. This was something big and complicated and I hated just sitting back and not doing anything and letting him do his thing until he burned out or collapsed from all the stress or until he somehow managed to kill himself. I didn't just want to sit there and let it all happen.

"I know what I'm doing, F/N. As I said earlier, I don't need you to take care of me. I'm fine on my own." he replied.

"Then why the hell are we still going out? If you are so happy on your own, why don't you just break up with me? It's not like we're in much of a relationship right now, anyway. All I do is watch you destroy yourself and I can't stand it anymore!" I shouted. I hated how he kept saying that he didn't need me. I hated that we weren't doing anything together anymore, that we had drifted apart so much and that this was all becoming clear to me just now, in the middle of a fight.

"You want to break up?" he asked quietly. His voice didn't sound as cold and confident anymore, it just sounded empty now. And it wasn't true, I didn't want to break up, I just... I just wanted the old Shouta back. I wanted him to do better, to maybe be happy again... if that was even possible.

"No... No, Shouta, no, I don't want to break up. But it's just... it's just a lot right now. I... I don't know what to tell you. I miss you, Shouta."

"But I'm right here."

"Are you, though? You say you're right here, but whenever I try to talk to you, you always seem so distant and indifferent to everything. I don't know how to... how to deal with that, Shou."

"I see." he said and looked down, while tears were streaming down my face. We were way too close to my own home and were just coming up to the junction where Shouta and I would separate if he was going back to his own apartment. He was slowing down and I felt my heart sinking.

"Shouta, why... why are you stopping here?" I wanted to know, my voice barely a whisper at this stage. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, as if he was trying to figure out how to tell me something terrible without hurting my feelings too much. I just wanted him to get it over with.

"Maybe it's better if I go back to my own home today." he just replied. My eyes widened in shock.

"Shou, are you serious? You know it's not safe there. Come on, Shou, don't be stupid about this." I said to him, He just shook his head and smiled at me sadly, before turning around and heading toward his own home without another word. I just started bawling uncontrollably, once the initial shock had worn off.

This was horrible. I didn't even know what had just happened. Were we still a thing? Did we just break up? What was the story here? I didn't... I didn't want to lose him, that was the whole point of all this... why was he acting like this? Why was he acting as if I wanted to hold him back?

I just stood there for ages, unable to move, unable to even think or stop crying. All I knew was that he wouldn't stop doing what he was doing and I might even have lost him now. I had never felt this hollow and empty inside. Maybe he just wanted a break to think about things? Maybe this wasn't a break-up? I wasn't sure and I was afraid that I wouldn't find out anytime soon.

With the way things were, I doubted we'd be talking much at all and if we would be talking then not about what just happened. So I would probably be stuck in this weird limbo until something else happened.