All I Have Is All You Gave To Me [Young!Aizawa x Reader]

77 The Unforgiven - Metallica

Never be

Never see

Won't see what might have been

I had no idea why I was going where I was going, but Hizashi had told me to come to the gym when I had asked him where the hell Shouta was. Shouta and I were supposed to meet outside the school, but he was late. Like really, really late. Not just ten or fifteen minutes, I had been waiting for about half an hour, before I decided to ask Hizashi. And now I was on the way to the gym.

Why Shouta was in the gym again was absolutely beyond me. He was already pushing himself so, so much when it came to training during class. If he was in the gym to do more training... well, I didn't really know what to do, but it was concerning that he was training this much.

Sure, I was glad that he wasn't extremely depressed anymore, but somehow all of this didn't seem super healthy either. It was probably a good sign of him coming to terms with Oboro's death, but... well, I just couldn't shake the feeling that he was trying to prove something to everyone.

I was worried about him again and Hizashi was very worried about him, too. And that usually meant nothing good. Hizashi was rarely ever worried, but he had constantly been worrying about Shouta the last few months and it didn't seem to get better whatsoever. I sighed trying to think of something else.

But I had already pretty much made it to the gym and I could see that the door was open and the lights were on. So he was training after all, wasn't he? Damn it. He'd overdo it and injure himself.

I quickly made my way over to the open door and almost stumbled over Hizashi who was sitting there, leaning against the doorframe and frowning at the void. Or the wall he was looking at, whichever one it was. He didn't look too happy with life in general, but particularly with being here right now.

And when I looked into the gym I could see why. There was Shouta, climbing up to the ceiling, just hanging on his capture weapon. He didn't even have any mats there in case he fell. Not that I was surprised, he had been getting a little more reckless with every day since the incident.

But it was getting dark outside and we had all been training a lot today already. Why was he still out here trying to push himself even further? He was going to get himself killed like that one day. Why didn't he fucking realize that we were all worried about him and just wanted him be here with us? Why didn't he realize that he didn't have to prove anything to us? Shouldn't that have mattered to him? At least a bit? It was driving me insane to see him like this.

"Zashi... how long has he been doing this?" I asked and sat down beside him. He barely even acknowledged me, just gave me a short nod, before looking back up at Shouta who was almost at the ceiling now. He looked like he was in absolute pain and I couldn't really see it, but I could imagine that his hands were bleeding from all the climbing. He wasn't even wearing gloves.

"I don't know. Lost track of time. He came here right after class and has been working out ever since." he replied with a sigh, running his hand through his hair that had grown pretty long over time.

"Why doesn't he have any mats below him? He's going to fall and break his neck..." I replied, watching him closely. He was struggling the last few meters until the top, but I was sure he was going to make it somehow. All I hoped for was that he didn't fall from up there right in front of my eyes.

"Said he wouldn't take it seriously if there wasn't a serious risk involved. He's being stupid, F/N."

"He really is. Damn it. Why does he have to do this? Isn't it enough we lost Oboro already?" I asked, feeling a sudden surge of anger inside me. He was being so selfish about all this! We were all suffering, we were all mourning and we all still woke up with nightmares! And he was about to make things worse for us, making us worry like this, when we all just tried to look out for him?

"I don't know. I mean... God, I get that he's still grieving, but... can't he realize we're worried?"

"I know. I don't know how to talk to him anymore. Whenever I try to say anything about it, he shuts it down immediately. He doesn't even want to address the fact that Oboro is dead, it's... it's like talking to a fucking wall." I muttered and rested my head against the door frame.

"I know, he's been the same with me. I don't think... I don't think there's anything we can do about it. It's really up to him now." Hizashi said. I nodded, but thinking about it like that really fucking hurt.

"This is the worst. It really is the worst, I don't know how to deal with any of this." I replied, burying my face in my hands. Leaving everything up to Shouta and just being there to see how he was slowly destroying himself had to be the worst torture I could have imagined. But here we were, Hizashi and I, both just being there and waiting, in case he came to his senses.

"Why do we have to deal with all this bullshit? It could literally be anyone else! Why isn't the school doing more about this? They must be seeing the same thing unless we're both hallucinating, right? Why are they leaving us alone like this? It makes no fucking sense to me..." Hizashi suddenly exclaimed. I just gave him a weary look. I knew exactly what he meant, but I just had no energy left to enthusiastically agree with him. I was just sick of it all. I wanted to quit everything.

"I don't know, Zashi... I don't know... Maybe they just don't care... Lots of heroes burning out or dying as sidekicks, I guess. I don't know what they're all trying to prove." I answered with a sigh.

"Hey, what are you two doing here?" we suddenly heard a voice from the other end of the gym. It was Shouta, back on his feet, safe and sound. I couldn't believe how relieved I was to see he was doing okay.

"Waiting for you, Shou. It's time to go home. It's been time to go home almost an hour ago." I said to him.

"Oh really? I didn't even realize. Let's go then, I think I'm done here for today." he replied as if nothing had happened. And nothing had happened, really. He was training and we were waiting for him to walk home with him after school. Under normal circumstances that would have been completely fine, but we all knew that these weren't normal circumstances and that there was much more to it.

I looked up at him, as I stood up. He had dark bags under his eyes and his hair looked messy. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. Or at least like he hadn't slept well. His body was littered with scratches and bruises, but the worst thing were his hands... I gasped when I saw them and grabbed them to have a look at them - they had deep cuts from his capture weapon and they were bleeding.

"Shouta, what... what did you do to your hands?" I asked. Stupid question, since it was obvious that it came from the capture weapon.

"It's fine. I'm used to it. Once that heals it won't be as painful anymore. I just need to get used to it." he said and pulled his hands away, as if he didn't want me to see what he was doing to himself.

"Shouta, please... let's go home. I can get that bandaged up for you. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You're just making yourself suffer more." I told him. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to say that to him, but I didn't know what else to say. He just didn't make sense to me anymore.

"I'll be fine. I need to get stronger or I'll never be able to get anything done. If you've got a problem with that, maybe you shouldn't be at a school for heroes." he replied and turned around without another word.