Grey-Sloan Memorial from Your Perspective (LGBTQIA+ Story)

Not Okay, and That's Okay (Y/n's Trauma)

WARNING CHALLENGING TOPICS, such as assault, depression, self-harm

Meredith's POV

We get up to Dr. Carr's office and he greets us. Y/n then fills out all the paperwork and waivers she needs. I fill out a form regarding confidentiality and HIPAA.

I break out the blankets we brought for us. "Do you mind if I lay my head in your lap, Mer? It will be most comfortable." Y/n says innocently. "You do whatever you need, Y/n. I am right here." I say and reposition myself so we'll be comfortable. I slowly stroke her hair as Walter comes in to start.

"Hi Y/n, my name is Walter Carr. Please call me Walter or Walt, whatever you are comfortable with. I am here to help you through whatever you need to. I am here to give you strategies and coping mechanisms. I am here to be your sounding board and just be here with no judgement, no reservations, and most importantly, I am your paid bestie." He said with a chuckle and Y/n and I do the same.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Meredith told me that." He says. "I like you already, we are going to get along." Y/n says with a small smile.

"Okay, where do you want to begin? How far do you want to resolve?" Walter asks Y/n. "I would have to say my childhood, starting when Alex and I were 8. Alex is my twin brother. He is also a doctor here at Grey-Sloan. Alex and I grew up with rough parents. Our dad was a drug addict and alcoholic and died when we were 12. But he was mean and abusive. Alex wouldn't let him touch me, but I had to watch Alex get punched, kicked, and burned right in front of me. Alex told me to get out when he was doing that, but I just couldn't. He was my brother and he was hurting. I couldn't leave him alone with him. He would burn him with cigarettes and matches. He would hit him with his belt. I don't know how I stayed there and watched it, but I knew I couldn't leave him alone for that. We would always stare into each other's eyes and not look anywhere else. He got me through it and I got him through it." She finishes and I have tears in my eyes and running down my cheek as I continue to stroke her hair.

"If there was anything you could change, what would it be in that situation?" Walter asks.

"I think I wish I was braver to take the hurt from Alex and bring it on to me. Alex was always protective and I wish I took some of it so he didn't have to do it all." She says with a deep sigh. 

"How do you think your brother would feel if he heard you say that?" Walter asks. "I think he would be mad at me. I just feel like he did so much for me and I would sit there frozen." She says. "He's a protective brother, and I am sure if you were to ask him, he wouldn't have changed anything about that." He says with a smile and we continue on.

"Our mom was schizophrenic, diagnosed when we were 7. Alex and I mostly had to take care of ourselves and our mom. We would make sure she took her meds and cook for her and make sure she had a routine. Everything was going well and we got into our routine, she got a job with the library then when we were 12, insurance wouldn't pay for her meds anymore so we couldn't get them because we had no money. We tried our best to use the routine to stay on track until.." She pauses and starts to cry. I stroke her hair and put my arm protectively around her.

"One day, she took the car keys and left. We grabbed our bikes and followed her. We heard a loud crash right down the road and she had hit a telephone pole and snapped it in half. The airbags never went off and she hit her head on the steering wheel. We tried our best to wake her, but I think she was gone on impact. That's a day I relive in my head too many times." She pauses.

"Do you think there was something that could have gone a different way?" Walter asks. 

"I constantly think that if I hid her keys, then this wouldn't have happened." She says with a huff. "Your mom was unwell, Y/n. One way or another, she was going to end up in the same situation. Maybe not a car, but her illness would have taken over and she would have died one way or another." Walter says.