Grey-Sloan Memorial from Your Perspective (LGBTQIA+ Story)

Waiting, Watching

TW: talks of death

Y/n's POV

When I tell you I am so bored sitting in this bed, I'm not even exaggerating. "Arizona, I really need to get out of this bed. I swear I will walk out of here on my own if I have to." I tell her with a sad face.

She gave me a glare, silently saying 'do not fuck with me.' I then turn over letting go of her hand while she sat in the chair, really not wanting to start a fight with her. Apparently she didn't like that because she scoffed.

Really really not wanting to fight, I turned back over and just soften my gaze. "I'm sorry, I hate being stuck here. But I guess I have no fucking choice." I say, closing my eyes not wanting to cry anymore. "Y/n..come on, don't do that." Arizona says with a sad look. "Don't do what, Arizona? What do I have to do, pretend to be some happy person?" I say, my voice starting to break.

"Y/n.." Arizona says and looks at me with a sad face. "Pretend to not feel the guilt eating me up inside because we have to go through this again? We have to go through all of this and worse because my kidneys are failing and all I get to do is sit in this bed all day." I say, fully aware that I am getting enraged. I seem to not care, finally feeling what I have been bottling up. 

"I am powerless, I am fucking powerless in this bed. I am slowly dying, from guilt and from my body shutting down. Dialysis is what is keeping me from dying. I just have half a mind to just stop, just make it stop. It would just be easier on everyone else if I just stopped. No more having to worry about poor Y/n who can't even go a week without getting hurt or without having a medical problem. Might as well label me walking wounded or poke her and she'll bleed out. Poor Y/n, worthless to everyone. Waste of space, good for nothing. Can't even get out of her own way. Can't even get out of bed and provide for the family she's about to have. Can't even take care of the love of her life because she's SUCK IN THIS FUCKING BED." I say, yelling that last part.

Arizona sat there with her mouth agape, tears starting to form in her eyes. With that, I started to move to get out of bed or at least sit up. Sitting up, I reached for my port for dialysis and my IV and attempted to take them out. I was a doctor, I knew how to take them out without hurting myself. 

As I was about to take the IV out, I found Arizona's hand quickly intertwine with mine. "Y/n. Please stop. I'm begging you, please." She says and I look into her eyes and they were full of tears. I felt such guilt when I saw that. That is what I would be giving up if I just made it all stop. I would give up seeing this amazing woman and beautiful face every day for the rest of my life. 

"Arizona, I don't have much fight left in me. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep putting everyone through this. I can't keep putting you through this, you've had enough." I say, fully sobbing at this point.

Arizona slid onto the bed gingerly and wrapped her arms around me, careful of any cords or wires. "Then let me fight for you. Give me all the guilt, give me all of the worry, give me everything you can't handle. I can handle it, I can take it. What I cannot take is losing the love of my life. I can't take not having you with me for the rest of my life. I cannot take not having my best friend to go through life with. I can't function without you. I cannot breathe without you. I know that I am complete on my own, but I don't want to be on my own. I want you, I want you to wake up to every day, I want you to go to sleep with every night, I want to sneak glances at you when you don't even notice in the hallways, I want to go into on call rooms and make love to you when we're supposed to be working, I want to kiss you in the rain as we are dancing around acting like love sick teenagers, I want to make breakfast naked in our kitchen when our kids are gone for a weekend, I want to be your biggest supporter when we are in the OR together, we make the best team. We are so in sync with each other, it's not even funny. We know each other's move with just a glance or just a simple motion. I want you to get better so we can experience everything together, so we get to get married, have those 3 other kids, and have a life full of love, joy, and excitement. I want that all with you; my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my partner in crime, my rock, my everything, my incredibly beautiful fiancée. I love you, Y/n. I don't want to do any of this without you. So please, let me fight this for you or with you. Tell me what you want me to do and I will do it." Arizona says as she holds my face so I have to look her in the eyes.